I wrapped my hand around the frosted chrome door handle, and opened the door to a part of my life that once, was. And as I entered, I tip toed my way onto the taupe plush carpet, feeling my shoes sink into the fibers like quick sand, and with each step I began sinking further into the moments that were once my past. Carefully, walking over his sneakers, basketball shorts, and all the articles that just moments before adorned his body, I began remembering and feeling how much I cared fully for him, and no one else.
There was a sliver of light that shown through the blinds cascading a striped essence of the nightly glow barely making it possible to see him. And even though I couldn’t actually see his frame, I smelled him, and as I inhaled him, I could taste him, all without even feeling him. That same feeling of curious temptation, lustful deprivation, and ill desire boiled the blood in my body, signaling to my gut that this was so wrong.
I stood near him, in the silence that intensified the moment even more and reached my hand out so that I could feel the familiar feeling of his skin next to mine. Just that one touch, ignited a flame from deep within, which must have sparked and ignited the same flame in him because he sat up on the edge of his bed and grabbed my waist pulling me in closer to him, as he rested his head against my chest. I inhaled deeply, hold my breath relentlessly because I wanted nothing to change this moment; not even the air that controlled my life. He stood up, placed his hands on my face, and as he tilted my head upward l felt his unforgettable lips place the most sincere kiss upon mine. In that one kiss I could taste all the years we had acquired love, pain, and distance that led me back here, now.
I backed away from him, fearing these feelings yet again, fearing my heart being entangled in the person who’s lifestyle couldn’t possibly handle me the way I needed to be handled. I know he felt the veil of reluctant doubt overcome my body, because as I walked backwards, away from him, he once again had my back against the wall in more ways than one.
“I can’t let you go again. Not this time.” He whispered before his lips began to find shelter in the desperation that caressed my neck.
Before long, I was standing there emotionally raw, mentally open and physically naked with his body meshed against mine, just as it had before. And as our bodies conjoined into this one, that same sliver of the nights glow that illuminated his silhouette through the crevices of his window blinds, were the same ones that begin barely illuminating his frame again, but in a different way. Only this time, it was me inside of his frame, creating a picture that I had seen often, once before. In that dark room, we began to develop. We were back.
“I’ve missed this. Just promise me things will be different this time.”
“Lex, I promise you, shit will be different.”
“I hope so, because I still love you Lance.” The words seemed to roll out without my permission.
“I know you do.”