We are all guilty of it, ladies. The blame game. Blaming him for everything. He strung me along for 67 months. He cheated on me 1738 times. He’s been lying to me for all of the 11 years that I’ve sacrificed. He does this to me. He does that to me.
Now I am in no way discrediting what “he” may have put you through, he was wrong for that and I’m sorry that it happened to you, BUT we aren’t talking about “him” today. We are talking about you. You have got to boss up! You hold power and you seem to have forgotten that. So let me remind you; he doesn’t have all of the control of the situation. You are perfectly capable of making decisions that are in your best interest, you’ve just become lost in the cycle.
It happens to bossiest of chicks, but it doesn’t have to continue. Everyone has a limit, but no matter where you are in the course of reaching your breaking point, quit granting someone permission to disregard you like the yellow Starburst at the bottom of the pack.
First of all, you’ve got to REMOVE THE VICTIM LABEL. If you’re going to keep allowing him to cheat, lie, and slowly steal away all the greatest parts of the person you’ve worked so hard to become, then quit the pity party. Stop with the “I’m the victim” narrative. It’s tired. You are the one who has made the choice to stay time and time again. You’re no longer a victim after the 17th occurrence. You’re a willing participant and you have to take responsibility for your part in allowing someone to play you like a fool over and over.
A big piece of the reason why you’re in this predicament is probably because you’re to scared to SPEAK UP. You’re scared he’s going to leave if you really say how you feel, so you just lay there and accept the mud as if you were a doormat on a rainy day. If you’re into emotional masochism, then maybe that works for you. If you’re not into such a detrimental practice, then say something and mean it. You don’t have to yell and scream or take a Louisville slugger to both headlights as Carrie Underwood once did. You can look in him dead in the eye and clearly and confidently state what’s on your mind. Even if he doesn’t hear a damn thing you’ve said, and there’s a possibility he may not, you’ll at least feel a sense of pride for asserting yourself.
So you’ve had the sit down with him and you’re still not ready to give up. You think this time he will get his act together and be the perfect specimen of a man that you’ve dreamed up in your pretty little head. If this is where you’re at, you still have got to stay bossed up in the process. Stop letting things slide without repercussion. SET BOUNDARIES AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. If you tell him you are going to do THIS, if he continues to do THAT – then you MUST follow through. You teach people how to treat you in every situation in life. You’re teaching this man that you ain’t nothing but talk. No one takes anyone seriously who’s all bark and no bite. You know that.
If he still doesn’t respect you after standing your ground, he just doesn’t respect you and there’s honestly not much you can do about that. You can’t force anyone to value you. If they don’t care, they simply don’t. What you can do, as cliché as it is, is RESPECT YOURSELF. Such a simple sounding concept but it’s actually quite complex, hence why so many struggle with it. You can start by taking one of all those f*cks you give about him and transfer it over to yourself. What if you cared about yourself like you cared about him? How dope would you be? All the potential you see in him, all the wonderful things you see in him – what if you saw all that in yourself and treated yourself in a manner that reflected that? It would be a great idea to start doing that because nobody else is going to do it for you, doll.
And here’s the part you really don’t want to hear – LEAVE. You’ve used the “But I loveee him” excuse to justify staying for far too long. Now, it’s time to go. The horse is dead. You beat it to a pulp. Let the horse rest in peace. It’s gonna hurt like hell for a while, maybe a long while, but eventually you’ll find peace too. It takes work and willpower and it won’t be easy but it is completely possible. You’re hurting now so why not hurt with the purpose of restoring yourself? The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start the process. The sooner you start the process, the sooner the process can come to a triumphant ending.
You’ve played a huge role in landing yourself in this current quandary, but now it’s time to make a change. When you’ve been the broken hearted girl for so long, it’s hard to shift into boss mode. Some of the decisions you will have to make won’t be comfortable. They will be extremely difficult, even scary. They may not appease him and they probably won’t feel very appeasing to yourself in the moment. You’ll be in pain, you’ll want to give in. All normal, but all necessary. Is your ultimate goal in life to be able to withstand a Peter Gunz type relationship for years on end? If so, keep on this path, boo. You’re well on your way. If not, I suggest you quit with the tired excuses, stop blaming him for everything and boss the f*ck up.