-blogged by milagreee –
Why is he so damn inconsistent? One day he’s all sweet nothing’s and the next he is a cold, barely speaking to you, stranger. Why? Because when a man feels that he can come in and out of your life like a revolving door, he will. He knows that you’ll stop what you’re doing to be with him and that’s your biggest mistake. Boundaries make relationships strong and worthwhile. If you don’t set boundaries in the beginning of your relationship, you are bound to fail and find things that bother you. Passive aggressiveness can also arise as you try and pretend that what he’s doing isn’t bothering you. The best way to end passive aggressive behavior is to confront what is bothering you. You’ll be able to assert yourself as a person and make sure that this person knows that what he’s doing is bothering you.
If you feel as though the man you are seeing is inconsistent, you should probably slam that open door shut and see what happens. When he doesn’t feel like at a drop of a hat he will have you, you will come running for him, he might see things differently. There might be other factors that lead to him being inconsistent, those include being frightened of commitment, where he feels that he’s getting too close and has to pull away. He could also be seeing someone else so it isn’t really a conscious act of inconsistency but instead he is trying to balance two or more different women.
You are basically rewarding his bad behavior when you give him the attention he craves when he decides he wants it. You are actually setting a precedent for the way he’s going to treat you. If you pull back on the attention, he will start to notice that he can’t treat you that way. When you shower him with what he wants, you give him exactly what it is that he wants from you and what keeps him going, for example: sex, attention and adoration and he decides that it is time to pull away again because he’s good for now. He fills your mind with ideas that this is not the case and makes you feel as though maybe you’ve just jumped to conclusions but the fact of the matter is that inconsistency can be toxic for your well being. It can leave you confused and questioning whether or not this person is a selfish liar or if the things that he says to you are genuine.
The solution is very simple, as men tend to be simple creatures. When the inconsistency becomes apparent and he disappears for weeks at a time, you back off as well. You can be nice but you keep your distance from him as well. You don’t need to put up with it. Trust and believe that he will come back and you continue your act of being nonchalant. Try not to divulge straight into the relationship that you had previously as he’s kind of lost the privilege if he’s just appearing and disappearing. Just be his casual friend and that would probably be the best approach at solving this inconsistent behavior. Hey, you might just want to vacate this relationship anyway. Hot and cold isn’t cool, and you don’t really deserve it. No one does.