Ballerific Relationships: Is This A First Date No-No?

This text conversation mad its rounds on Twitter yesterday, so I thought it would be interesting to ask Baller Alert readers what their take on the situation was.

In the text exchange, it appears a man is attempting to take a young lady on their first date, but prior to spending money on something extravagant right off bat, he wants to take her to Starbucks and get to know her. If the chemistry is there, he admits he has no problems with a more expensive date afterwords. 

The young lady, however, isn’t feeling the coffee date, implying that she is worth much more than Starbucks, and if he can’t give her that, he should look elsewhere. 

Who, if anyone, is wrong in this situation?

My Take: I’m siding with the guy on this one. Often times this generation neglects to get to know someone before we attempt to push a relationship further. We don’t date anymore. We go out, we sleep together, we get angry, we break up. We don’t really sit down and talk anymore. We don’t determine compatibility in a mental sense, rather than physically and sexually. 

This guy, before spending all of his money to impress a woman into hopefully laying down with him, wanted to get a sense of their compatibility. He wanted to see if things were worth moving forward. As we get older, our time to entertain bullsh*t becomes smaller. We want to know immediately if you are worth it. If you’re not, we move around. This fella seems to have dodged a bullet. Looks to me that this young lady just wanted a free meal she could take a picture of and Instagram. If she was the slightest bit interested in getting to know him as a person, she wouldn’t have been against the coffee date. 

I took slight offense that she felt that she was too good for a coffee date, that he had to earn her, and that she wasn’t subsequently supposed to be earning him also. She says “plan a date worth having,” as if she’s more concerned about the actual act of going out, than she is with being in his presence. Girl, if you didn’t like him like that, you shouldn’t have even let it get this far. Let him know now and nip this whole thing in the bud.

She says that she would rather meet for a date that he planned for her, which I totally understand. She wants him to put forth effort. She wants to see where his head is at. Is he creative, his taste in restaurants, etc. But then she says “so I can look good for you,” which leads me to believe that she wouldn’t be into doing anything that didn’t require her to dress up and let her hair down. That means, no paint ball, no outdoor activities, nothing where she can’t use her looks to get by. She’d rather go on a date he “planned,” but doesn’t realize this IS the date, and that’s okay.

Dating is like auditioning for a role. We’re both up for a part in the same relationship. You can’t go into it thinking that you already got the role, simply because the man found you physically attractive. You’ll end up meeting a man that could care less about your outer appearance. 

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