In a newly released interview, music mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs breaks down while discussing spending Mother’s Day without Kim Porter for the first time.
Porter unexpectedly passed away last November after enduring pneumonia, and since then, Diddy has been picking up the pieces and keeping his family together through the tough time. While many will be celebrating the lives and contributions of their mothers, with their mothers, this coming Sunday, the Combs family will be experiencing the day for the first time without Porter. Diddy sat down with Dream Hampton for Essence’s Yes Girl podcast and opened up about life after his soul mate’s death.
“Anybody that’s lost a mother or lost a soulmate it takes time. It takes time. They say time heals all wounds when it comes to mothers…I don’t think that’s the case,” Diddy said during their conversation, which was covered in ESSENCE’s May story. He continued, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” Diddy said, sobbing. “I’m gonna figure something out, though. This hurts so much. I know that people want to hear like, the good stuff…it hurts. There ain’t no way around that…I wanted to do [the interview] ’cause I wanted to let everybody know…I don’t think anybody could ever understand how hard it is to be a black mother.”
While the two were never married, they were together for a little over a decade. “It was a total shock and a surprise and it really, really woke me up just as far as it just turned everything upside down,” he said about Porter’s death. “It was the craziest, most traumatic thing I’ve ever been through. When they say it hits home or cuts deep or your world gets turned upside down, it was all of that in one.”
Diddy mentioned that he wasn’t the most transparent when it came to acknowledging his love for Porter. “I wasn’t being honest, all the way, honest with my love for her, to myself and even to other people that I was in a relationship with. I don’t have no regrets how things went. They went the way God wanted them to go. But I was playing with love and it’s not really to be played with. I definitely took for granted that she would just be with me forever. I took for granted that something like this could happen.”
Lastly, Diddy said Porter was a gift from God, sent down for him. “God sent her for me to teach me something,” he told hampton. “There’s levels and dimensions to love, and especially love between a man and woman. There’s this place that almost goes beyond friendship. It’s where two people actually feel like a level of responsibility to love this person forever; and a total trust.”