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FOR THE MEN – A DUMMY GUIDE TO CHEATING

Men are going to cheat regardless. The problem is they are picking the craziest bitches to cheat with. Look at Steve McNair and Steve Phillips. The NYPOST printed a public-service announcement for all the men out there that cheat but don’t want to be killed or catch the rabbit cooking on the stove.

I’m sure most of the ladies on here will agree with me that men shouldn’t cheat when in a relationship..but most of us know that is unrealistic.

A DUMMY GUIDE TO CHEATING

Rule No. 1: Go for the woman who doesn’t really like you.

I mean, she doesn’t hate you. You’re OK. But she’s not all that impressed by you. She doesn’t have the gaga “I want to replace your wife and have picked out the cut of my Vera Wang dress” look in her eyes.

Rule No. 2: Go for the girl who is on a schedule.

She doesn’t appreciate when you do things like: “waste her time,” “try to establish an emotional connection” and “talk.”

Rule No. 3: Pick a real career woman.

She makes more than $50K, preferably. This chick’s busy, focused and not on you — except in bed. Congratulations, guy!

Rule No. 4: She doesn’t text you.

She says things like, “I don’t have time to text.” And, “Please stop wasting my time.” And, “You’re annoying me.”

Rule No. 5: She’s got a boyfriend or husband of her own.

See how that works?

Rule No. 6: She knows how to keep a secret.

Make small talk like, “I’m so terrible at keeping secrets, what about you?” If she agrees, pat her gently on the knee and move on.

Rule No. 7: She’s done this before and already has a reputation as the office bicycle.

This chick has no stake in your life. A disease, maybe. But certainly no stake.

Rule No. 8: She says things like, “I would never date you, but . . .”

Also acceptable are “I can’t ever imagine marrying a guy like you” and “Your poor wife.”

Rule No. 9: She’s the opposite of 22.

Know what the opposite of 22 is? Anything other than 22! Know what happens with 22-year-olds? They fall in love. Hard. They fall in crazy, mad, mess-up-the-stone-column-in-front-of-your-house kind of love.

Rule No. 10: She’s all about establishing ground rules.

This means she’s not fazed when you say things like, “This is purely physical.” Or, “Sure is fun having a purely physical relationship, isn’t it?” Or simply hushing one another and playing that Olivia Newton-John song over and over as you take each other, again and again, slowly sometimes, quickly others, content with the personal God you have chosen as your own and have to answer to daily.

Thoughts?

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