Baller Alert Entertainment & Lifestyle
From sending his handler to get your number to exchanging a few general text messages , you are sitting in your car stuck on what your next move will be with your BALLER (interchange whatever term that makes you comfortable) . You don’t want to mess this up because in your head “ he might be the one”, but let’s just look at things here for a sec. Can we? You started the night off going out with your girls with the intentions on stunting on a few people. At no point did “find a BALLER” come into the picture so now you are winning. Stop looking at this as the perfect match and take it as what it is. You caught the eye of another dude. His status means absolutely nothing because at the end of the day he still bleeds when cut like the next man. Treat him accordingly.
First things first, do your research. Yes, google him. Skip the “meet me for breakfast spill” he is texting. It’s only a ploy to get your cutty. Believe me your brief interaction didn’t create enough of an impression where he wants to know your life story at 3:30 am. ( And for those of you that say that some men do, if the impression was that bomb, he’ll make another attempt). In this day and age if I can find Lil Pookie’s criminal record and he is from the block, I am very confident all that you need to know on your BALLER can be found a thumb swipe away. You need to figure out if he is married, single or dating, whether or not he has kids or at the very least if he has some dealings with the law and any other piece of information that he might not have been forthcoming with like the number of times he has been the BALLER in a BA Groupie Tale. Just throwing it out there. If he has a string of kids, RUN . If he has a wife, girlfriend or estranged baby mother, RUN. Commitment isn’t in his vocabulary and if he’ll creep with you, he’ll creep with the next. So call it a night and take your geeked azz home.
When he breaks your rest in the morning with that “good morning beautiful” text, hit the silent button and continue your sleep. Don’t get excited and engage in a lengthy text convo. If he wants to converse with you, he should call you. If he has time to text sonnets, he can dial out. Don’t be so readily available for your BALLER. Those “text all day” and “change tonight’s plan” games that you play when men call need to stop. Nothing spells desperation like a chick that can drop everything she is doing to be with a dude. There are seven days in a week, kick it with him on a day that you didn’t make plans. If he wants to talk he should call. Make him respect your time and your life outside of meeting him. Trust me, being at his beck and call will not move you to the forefront of females. Yes, you want to spend time with your new boo, but going bat sh!t crazy because his tax bracket is different is ridiculous. Cool out and schedule your first date at a public location when time permits. Yes I said public. You don’t know each other well enough to be at either of your houses alone. Pick a nice restaurant and call it a day.
Mentioning restaurant. Go somewhere that you can afford to catch the tab if the date goes south. I always pick restaurants whose menus I am quite familiar with. Besides being totally comfortable with the price point, I know how the Chilean Seabass with Crab Au Gratin at my fave joint tastes so I’m less likely to have that awkward moment that occurs when you send the dish back because your palette didn’t fancy its flavor. While you are at it, dress like a woman of class. Leave the Ali Express club outfits on the net. Look refreshed and pulled together not exhausted and pressed. It will also behoove you to shut up and listen. Don’t go completely mute, but leave your ego at home and let him lead the conversation. If you talk about what you want, he will become that man. Let him talk and you figure out if he is the guy for you. Pay attention and compare your notes. Enjoy dinner and accept it for what it was: an opportunity to get to know someone. He may be a total jerk or completely dull. That’s cool. Alternatively, he could be intriguing and worldly. That is total awesomeness. Whatever he is, realize you existed before his acquaintance and you will exist thereafter. Finish the date, make plans for a second one and take your happy go lucky azz home. Nope, you don’t need a nightcap and no this date doesn’t need an interesting twist.
I’m not saying this works 100% of time, but I’m not saying it doesn’t work 100% of the time either. I’m just going off of my experience. Now if you just want to be anonymously famous on Baller Alert for your Groupie Tale, by all means negate what I have written and go for the gusto. We enjoy a good tale just like the next.
-Niko Rose
