– blogged by: @mranthonyb
Sometimes you just have to look at yourself in the mirror and ask, “Do I really want a boyfriend or am I just depressed?”
If humans were required to register their “emotional support romantic partners” there would be MILLIONS of people walking the streets of America in little red vests like service dogs.
WHY DO I BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE?
Well, because I have personally used partners as emotional support crutches in the past. I did this in several ways (but two most frequently):
1 – The “Take on a project” route. I used to subconsciously seek out fixer-upper boyfriends and help them fix their life; while ignoring my own issues. This was draining but always made me feel better about myself. It also didn’t involve me confronting my own bullshit.
2 – The “Emotional Support Dog” route. I would find a guy who didn’t mind listening to me vent/bitch and was good at cuddling.
Whether you find yourself seeking partners who are less emotionally stable than you in a subconscious attempt to feel better about your own shit, or you seek stable people to cling onto; the theme of personal negligence remains present.
The other day after getting home from work I felt a sudden desire to download a bunch of dating apps. Rather than succumb to this feeling I stopped to figure out where this urgency to find a partner was coming from. Well after some reflection I realized that I simply had a stressful day at work and was a little sexually frustrated. After a glass of wine, a chat with friends, and some intimate time with my laptop, the urge to find Mr. Right had dissipated. This is when I realized my problem.
Some people only seek dates when they’re horny, depressed, overwhelmed, or any combination of reasons aside from actually wanting (or being ready for) a life partner. What it all boils down to is our need to release and/or fill voids in our lives. After being single for the last 14 months (and having only been on one date) I know for a FACT that dealing with your shit PRIOR to seeking a partner is much healthier for all parties involved.
It doesn’t take Dr. Phil to see how easy it is for humans to deflect their inner issues onto people and situations; namely their romantic relationships. While having a supportive partner is essential, some of us unintentionally abuse that privilege. If you’re the perpetual recipient of emotional piggy back rides; some alone time to regroup might be necessary.
While everyone’s reasons for dating are different, I encourage you to make sure you’re in it for the right ones. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself:
-Am I ready for this?
-Are they ready for this?
-Will this person be receiving the best version of me?
-Am I seeking someone to accompany me in life or complete me as a person?
– Are we both getting into this for healthy reasons?
While those are just a few important questions to ask yourself , I also encourage you to investigate before you invest. Before saying yes to that dinner invite, be sure to check your thirst levels AND those of future bae. The power of general observation & thirst checking is immeasurable. Trust me, there’s a HUGE difference between dating someone who WANTS a partner and someone who NEEDS one.
So before you create that SoulSwipe account you may consider swinging by Petco instead. This could save you and your next ex a lot of headaches; also puppies are f*cking adorable.