Dick gotta way of making the world seem brighter, and problems seem lighter….
1) Your legs muscles are stiff and you cannot touch your toes or raise your knees over your shoulders. (And it got nothing to do with the gym or how much you weigh. And if you’re getting boned on the regular, you don’t need the gym)
2) When you buy the 100 pack batteries from Costco. You know why!
3) You look for attention from other women in terms of compliments, acceptance
4) You arrive EARLY to work almost every morning
5) You are often identified with these feelings: angry, depressed, annoyed, self conscious, jealous, usually associated with other women
6) You care when people don’t answer your emails right away
7) You wonder why you don’t have enough friends
8) You think your online friends are REAL. Sorry, girl6520 cannot help you if you locked out your house, your rent is overdue, you need to talk at 4am, or you need a place to stay!
9) You don’t own any “fuck me” panties and the only ONE you own is worn out and old
10) You call your exes to see if they are still thinking about you
11) You stay online all day starting drama for attention
12) You are easily disturbed by another’s bitchassness
13) You haven’t had a wax, pedicure or manicure in more than 2 weeks
14) It looks like a jungle “down there” and it ain’t gonna make a man wanna go under
15) The last time you looked at your puss was….If you fucking, you are constantly in relationship with your puss, making sure she is all good.
16) Your skin is dry. Nuff said. (Vitamin E is your friend)