When in relationships, we often look at ourselves as the exception to the rule. If your significant other’s previous relationships have ended badly, you immediately assume that with hard work, yours won’t. When your man says he doesn’t usually date X type of girl but wants to date you, your first thought is to assume you’re better. When he says all the women in his life have done him wrong, you go above and beyond to change his mind about women. It happens a lot, but what happens when your significant other is racist?
Last week a video captured by a black woman named Madison Amelia, went viral. In the video you can see Madison calmly sitting on the couch as her white boyfriend goes on a racist rant about Black Lives Matter. According to Madison’s boyfriend, black lives DON’T matter and if black people don’t like it in America, Donald Trump should deport them. His racially charged tirade goes on to call black people lazy, refer to them as dumb n*ggers and says Barack Obama incites riots. His entire rant is hate filled and all Madison can say is, “You do realize that makes you sound racist, right?”
Behavior like this didn’t come out of nowhere. As a matter of fact, Madison’s boyfriend probably showcases small hints of racism daily and Madison believed that she was an exception to it. Depending on how long they’ve been together, Madison has likely experienced glimpses of his rage towards black people and immigrants, she just assumed she wasn’t one of those black people because obviously he “loves” her. She probably laughs it off, nonchalantly agrees and goes on about her day because “he doesn’t really mean it.” Well, sorry to burst your bubble Madi, he does mean it.
Madison sitting calmly and quietly, not seeming surprised by his words, showed me that she’s heard them before. Her using the words “You sound racist” to describe someone who doesn’t just sound racist but IS racist, tells me that she is used to letting his bad behavior slide. How he didn’t even flinch when he called her and people who look like her a “dumb f*ckin’ n*gger” shows that he’s comfortable displaying this behavior in front of her. There have been no repercussions for his actions. She’s probably the first black woman he ever dated and it made Madison feel great to be the exception in his life.
When your partner is a racist, there is no exception. There is no changing his mind. That hate is embedded into thought process and it was long before you came into the picture. You are a fetish, not an exception. Even slave masters had sex with black slaves, male and female. This is nothing new.
When your partner exhibits racism the first time, call them out on it. Don’t assume that when he discusses his hate for black, latino, asian or any type of people that he’s not grouping you with them. Don’t think you can be obedient and change his mind. Check him on his behavior immediately and don’t allow him to feel comfortable using that type of verbiage around you. The first time he says it, he slipped up. The second time, he’s a full blown racist and you need to cut your ties immediately.
This goes for men of color also. Society has brainwashed some men to blindly believe that any race is better than his own. His girlfriend of another race may exhibit signs of loving him, but hating his race. This is problematic. You are your race, whether you believe it or not and if your significant other doesn’t believe that black lives matter, they believe that if they weren’t having sex with you, your life wouldn’t matter. You’re simply a trophy, a novelty item, someone to make cute biracial babies with, and when things go sour you’ll be a n*gger again. You might even become a “woman beater.” It happens far more than you realize.
As someone who dates men of any race, I hold my men to a standard. They must respect me and my values. One of my values happens to be Black people and the betterment of Black people. Any person I’m with, no matter what race he is, must understand that hate towards black people is hate towards me and won’t be tolerated.
So when you are approached by someone who exhibits racist behavior but treats you like you’re not one of “those” people he’s talking about, no need to question whether the conversation should go further.