The Problem With “Holding It Down” In Relationships

I LOVE, love you hear me?  No, like for real, I absolutely believe in the concept of true love, ever after, sticking it out, love is patient, kind and true love will endure and overcome in the end. With that being said, it may be time to change the narrative because too many of y’all don’t know how to act. By “y’all” I mean both women and men.  I understand that there are a variety of socioeconomic, systemic, religious, and societal factors that have contributed to the demise of our value in love and relationships.  One thing I know to be true is this, it’s time out for the “down ass chick” theory because it hasn’t been a proven method of success for women at all.

Our culture is so wrapped up in lyrics instead of books, gossip over education, trending topics over news and arguing over resolution.  When exactly do people plan to “wake up”, “see the light” and “get the point”? We’ve been pushing the theory that it’s a woman’s job to hold her man down, support him, love him, wait for him, teach him, cater to him, protect him, fight for him, forgive him, accept that he will “be a man”, know when to be a “ho” for him and to also act like a “lady”, be a rider, move on with class after he leaves you by yourself and above all, don’t be bitter or independent cause you know, then you’ll never get a man.  Middle fingers up and boy bye to all that bullsh$%. Women have been going above, beyond and below their standards to please men on all sides of the spectrum since forever. How about it’s time to start demanding that we get some DOWN ASS MEN who are able to support, love and hold it down for the women in their lives instead of holding them back? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

The truth is, the continual strength exhibited by women tends to weaken certain men. Women are quick and usually all too willing to help pick up in the areas where they see their men lacking and make an effort to “hold it down”.  The problem with this is, instead of it being valued and looked upon as a great gesture and display of love, it is counterproductive. It gets taken for granted and quickly turns into a behavior they grow to expect  from you. You have to be able to recognize when your “help” turns into someone’s crutch or turns into abuse. When people turn angry, possessive and manipulative at the thought or suggestion that you will not stay around to tolerate their poor behavior.

Not every woman leaves after getting cheating on, embarrassed or abandoned by a man. Some women aren’t necessarily cool with it, but they believe time, maturity, subtle compromises, family values or religious beliefs are worth sticking it out.  Year after year, many women pray for changes and are disappointed or left with regrets after the man finds someone else he’d rather be with. Granted, there are some men who do learn the error of their ways and grow into better mates, lovers and spouses, but there is no guarantee and the waiting game gets old. Simply put, you are not required to wait for anyone who isn’t reciprocating the love, commitment and effort to a relationship that you are willing to offer.