“I feel so sorry for women who don’t have “female friends”. When I first saw this tweet by Issa Rae, it really spoke to my spirit and I couldn’t help but wonder, why do so many women have such animosity towards each other?
Now, before you hop on the “because bi$!& are fake or jealous” bandwagon, have you ever stopped long enough to consider that maybe the reason why you don’t have any real friends is because you aren’t a good one yourself? If I’ve learned anything over the years, I know that we are quick to blame other people for doing hurtful things to us but, are slow to recognize our share in contributing to the problem.
One of the first major issues goes back to something your mother told you when you were younger, “everybody ain’t your friend” and she was right. You gotta be able to recognize the people who were sent to you for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Everyone is not going to make the cut of being your best friend for life and that’s perfectly ok. Wouldn’t you rather have a small but tight circle of women versus keeping a bunch of snakes around?
Another problem is some of y’all don’t really want friends, you want a co-signer. You want people who will consistently cheer for you, but never call you out on your flaws or when you’re wrong. A real friend is not only your number one supporter, but they are also the first person to tell you when you’re being stupid or could be doing better. Not because of shade or jealousy, but because they want the best for you.
Do you show up for your friends or do you only seem to come around when you need something? Friendships have to be reciprocal and both parties need to be able to contribute to the other person in some way. It could be a simple phone call here and there, brunch, a shoulder to cry on or a girls trip. You have to be committed to putting in the time and effort into being a constant sense of support and comfort for lasting friendships.
Like Issa, I feel sorry for women who constantly feel like they are in competition with or can’t trust another woman. Find a way to deal with your insecurities, heal your past hurts and start showing up for other women in the same ways you need someone to show up for you. Having a girl tribe or even a select handful of good friends to do life with is not only bestie goals but, one of the best feelings in the world.