You have to set the mood. Many would agree that both getting and recieving a sexy, sensual, relaxing massage is an important part of any sexual relationship. It can be used for seduction, or for simply spicing up the bedroom action.
Everybody needs a good massage!
A great massage is all about the experience – and a whole lot of that is contingent on ambiance. Now, it’s not recommended that you usher your desired individual into a golden-lit room full of dewy roses and exotic incense… it might work for some people, but a lot of the time it will just come off as kitsch and, well, creepy (especially if your romance is kinda new). Here are some points to keep in mind:
Anyone who’s gotten a massage on a real massage table knows what a difference it makes – the neck and head discomfort that comes from having your head turned at a right angle for extended periods of time can ruin a massage. However, there are plenty of ways to avoid this – experiment with different configurations of furniture and pillows until you find a setup that supports the head in it’s natural position without smothering the face or stressing the neck. Try it out ahead of time and make sure it allows your body to relax as much as possible.
Lighting Personal preferences vary, but generally mid- to low-lighting is preferable. You can try out some colors if you’d like, but the important part is that you can still see well enough to observe small indicators of your massagee’s pleasure/displeasure. Also, candles can be cool, but you always have to remember that they’re there and on fire… which can be annoying if the massage is especially successful in inducing some passion.
Smell It’s not necessary to perfume the room where you’ll be giving a massage, but sometimes a subtle hint of a relaxing fragrance can be nice. Perhaps even more importantly, make sure there are no funky odors in the room / on the sheets, etc.
Temperature Again, personal preferences on temperature vary, but it should be warm enough for a naked person to be comfortable and relaxed, without making them sweaty or uncomfortable. (It’s a good idea to ask, once your a few minutes into the massage, if your massagee is comfortable.)
Supplies One thing that cannot be stressed enough is how much a good lubricant enhances a massage. There are a lot of options here, ranging from powder lubricants, fancy scented oils and lotions, to no-nonsense, unscented, non-irritating lubricants. (I would recommend AstroGlide or something similar.)
The Fundamentals of Invoking Passion in Your Partner:
Your Hands The number one most important aspect of a backrub is your personal hand condition. You don’t want clammy cold hands, or hot sweaty paws. Take care to make sure your hands are in good condition before proceeding. If you want to make your hand extra-super-soft, soak them in warm water for a few minutes, then dry them and give them a thorough (but not too hard) scrubbing with a mixture of sugar and cooking oil. When they seem pretty soft, gently wash and dry them and apply a mild lotion – you’ll find it really makes a difference.
Clothing Be aware that massages are always more successful on bare skin than they are over bulky clothes or over that pesky bra clasp. If they’re not comfortable enough to loosen up their attire, then inquire again after a few minutes of working your magic. Also keep in mind that your clothing may irritate their bare skin, and you should be aware of this when choosing what clothes to wear.
Positioning Have your partner lay on a bed or soft area. Straddle them and kneel just over their butt and put your body weight into your massaging. In general, more diminutive people will need less pressure than larger or more muscular individuals – another good indicator of how much pressure to use is how their body feels… if you can feel large areas of tense muscle, they’ll probably need more deep-tissue work than someone whose shoulder-blades are pretty easy to feel. The best thing to do is to start out being gentle, and gradually increase how much pressure you are applying until they really seem to be enjoying it. If they tense up at all, you’re probably pushing too hard. Remember to read her body language, you don’t want to be too rough or too easy – if in doubt, ask.
Using Your Hands When giving a massage, try to keep your hands well (but not overly) lubricated at all times; when you apply lube, always put it on your hands and rub them together to warm it up before putting it on your massagee. Also pay attention to how you use your hands – try to massage with the heel of your palm and the pads of your fingers… sharp, pokey massages suck.
Using Their Body Aww, man… that sounds bad. Whenever you give a massage, there are some important guidelines to follow. For example, it hurts when someone tries to massage your bones(damn you, innuendo!). People don’t want to rub hard on their spine, hip bones or shoulder blades, to name a few. Try to find the large bodies of muscle tissue and knead them in a gentle, rhythmic fashion. Good places to start are on both sides of the spine, between that and the shoulder blades, or the back of the upper shoulder area – just avoid the front of this, as it can HURT. In general, just avoid bones, tendons and major blood vessels, and you’ll be good to go. ALSO: it’s important to avoid pinching someone’s skin unintentionally.
Where to Begin Start your massage on the neck and shoulders, which are pretty neutral areas, and work your way down from there. As you move down, pay attention to the sides of the shoulders, the backs of the arms, and the hands. When you’ve gotten down as far as the small of their back, be careful not to squish them, and instruct them not to hold their breath when you push on them, but rather to let you push it out of them gently. Continuing your downward progression, you can sometimes get a good response by gently but firmly massaging the sides and back of the butt area. Not everyone will like it, and you need to be careful to avoid hitting the pelvic bone, but it can really be quite pleasant. After that, the backs of the thighs and calves (but NOT the knees) make more good candidates for massage. Finally, the feet are an important part of the massage, and it adds to the super-luxurious feeling of being massaged head-to-toe.
Change it Up During the massage, take some time every now and then to add extra stimulation to the massage. For example, take your fingertips and run them as lightly as you can along the lines of your massagee’s body (just try not to tickle them). Other fun things to do include kissing/licking/blowing on the skin… if your intimacy has reached that point.
Finishing up When you’re done, give your massagee a couple minutes to relax… during this time you can gently wipe off any excess lube/lotion/oil (make sure to cover them up the shoulders with a light sheet afterward) and put away your supplies. While it’s never good to interrogate your massagee, it can help you improve your skills drastically if you get whatever feedback they’re willing to volunteer… but it can always wait for later ;]
Most importantly, have fun!