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Your Baller On The Road? Learn How To Give Proper Phone and Text Sex LOL

Textsex, or cybersex, is similar to phonesex; it can be thought of as interactive erotica. Your job is to be like an interactive porn novel for your Baller.

For example:

Nikki: *smears whipped cream all over your chest* Tyrone: *smirks and smears chocolate sauce all over yours* The rules below are gender independent, and apply no matter what size your orgy is, from a coupling to a roman holiday. Swap out any gender terms for whatever your favorite is.

Learn to spell

Spelling words incorrectly can be a big turn-off for many people, while spelling correctly is never a turn-off. Avoid netspeak at all costs. For example, this is disgusting:

Alice: “OMG i totily suk on ur kok lolz!!111!” This is hot: Alice: “I slowly run my tongue down your neck.”

Be descriptive

The object is to paint an erotic mental picture in your partner’s head that he or she will get off on, so your partner should not have to work to figure out what’s going on, although you should feel free to let her mind fill in very minor details or even fill in the blanks. For example, this is legit:

Stacy: “I want to like your dick, licking you *here*, licking you *there*.” Don’t overdo that, however; if you’re beginning, especially, you may want to avoid it entirely. Avoid doing anything like this at all costs: Stacy: “I do something with my tongue.” This is good: Stacey: “I run my hand down your back.”

Be realistic and creative:

…this is These are not mutually exclusive, and both are very important. Lack of creativity breeds boredom; lack of realism breeds disbelief. Unrealistic and creative (bad): Alice: “I split like an amoeba into two midgets, who climb on top of you.”
Realistic and uncreative (bad):
Alice: “I fall asleep and snore.”
Realistic and creative (good):
Alice: “I gently nip at your earlobe.”

Only describe your own actions

Never describe your partner’s; they’re for him to work out. Few things ruin the mood like being coopted by your partner (control can be hot, but if your partner is writing for you, he’s not controlling you, he’s controlling someone else). It ruins the illusion.

Now send your Baller a text.

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