That’s My Bess Frann: Keeping Female Friendships Long Term – blogged by: @TheBuzzWithB

There’s a myth that women cannot maintain healthy friendships for long periods of time. I’m always seeing memes and quotes and hearing other women talk about their failed homegirl horror stories. There’s an idea that women are just too catty and put too much focus on piffling issues to keep a female fellowship going long term. I’m not saying that there isn’t any truth to that idea, but there are things that you can do on your end to help maintain a sisterhood that is long lasting. Someway, somehow the good Lord has blessed me with friendships that are years strong, many going on 10 or more, so my credentials are legit. Take heed.

BE UPFRONT AND HONEST

Talking behind your friend’s back solves nothing. We’re women, and we have a tendency to immediately want to vent or express our emotions to whoever will listen at that moment… and most of the time it’s not to the source of the frustration. That’s just what we do. But at some point if an issue is causing you to side eye your BFFL every time you scroll passed her selfies, you need to be a big girl and let her know wussup. Be assertive and clear about what the problem is. Respectfully tell her why it makes you feel that way. Hopefully all goes well and you two and can move forward without any further tension.

IF SHE CONFIDES IN YOU, KEEP HER SECRET

If your friend tells you something important and asks you not to tell anyone – do just that. Have pride in the fact that she trusts you enough to come to you first and honor her wishes. Do not even tell the rest of your friends in your circle. If she wants them to know, she will tell them on her own time, if at all. Let her make that decision and you keep that tea in your cup until notified otherwise.

BE CONSIDERATE OF ONE ANOTHER

Don’t assume that just because she is your bestie she is cool with you borrowing her favorite pair of over the knee boots without asking. She might have plans for those. Don’t just assume she is cool with ol’ buddy that you just starting dating coming over to her place to drink with y’all on Saturday night. She might not want that man at her house. Just take a quick second to ask, even if you already know it’s probably okay. Trust me, it makes a difference when someone feels that you respect them enough to check in with them first.

TAKE A BREAK FROM EACH OTHER

Sometimes a relationship needs a breather to refresh itself. You don’t have to be with her 24/7/365. Take a mini sabbatical and do some things separately. Give each other time to detox from the constant companionship and miss each other a little. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and also keeps her from getting on your last nerve and drinking up all your wine.

STAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER’S MEN

This is a given. When it comes to guys, you should keep a healthy, respectable distance away from any penis that currently belongs to or that has ever belonged to your homegirl. Nothing wrong with being cool and cordial but you should keep it at that. Leave no room for her to speculate or room for him to feel like he has even a vestige of chance with you. He may still try it, and if he does, shut it down quickly. Do not entertain his advances at all because it is not worth it. You’ll most likely take end up taking a double L by losing both of these people at some point – she won’t be your friend anymore and he will be on to the next grimy, backstabbing BFF.

That’s your bess frann, that’s your bess frann and you betta make the effort to value and nurture that friendship. Take some of that energy you use towards that f-ck boy who doesn’t text you back and put that into the relationship with your best gal pal and see how the friendship flourishes. Having close relationships with other women that stand the test of time is possible, but it takes just as much work and respect as any other relationship in your life.