Ballerific Relationships – Bag Lady

“Bag Lady, you gon hurt yo back draggin’ all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold on to is you is you is you. One day all them bags gon’ get in your way. So, pack light”. Raise your hand if you thought this song was literally about a lady trying to catch a bus with a lot of bags. At the tender age of 14 I had no idea what I was singing or how much I’d be able to relate one day.

Have you ever thought you were over a certain person or situation then heard a song, saw something that reminded you of them or smelled a familiar smell that took you back to a particular place in time? It’s almost as if you’ve stepped into a time machine and you are back where you were and feeling what you felt. Sometimes that feeling is pleasant and you replay a fond memory or two but other times it can leave a bad taste in your mouth and an ache in your heart.

For some people, that ache, that anger, is fleeting but for others it becomes part of who they are. They don’t need a song or smell to take them back to certain moments because they have yet to leave those thoughts and feelings behind. It controls their behavior and emotions and they sabotage anything that feels too good. They can’t enjoy what is before them because they are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.. constantly wondering “what’s the catch?”. They could meet someone who is everything they ever wanted and be unable to receive it because they have made a habit of being guarded and can’t let their walls come down. Your old dude cheated so now you keep backup even though your current man gives you no reason to believe he’s out doing dirty. That one guy left after you revealed certain parts of yourself so now you keep it buried and only give people the pieces of you that you think are appealing.

“One day, all them bags gon’ get in your way”

For years I would harbor ill feelings.. I was a hoarder of hurt. There were certain situations that I would cling to simply because the pain was so familiar that it started to feel good. It was who I was. I might as well introduced myself as “Mary, the one who was molested as a small child, raped while unconscious at 15, a high school drop out, the girl who has abandonment issues, was lied to, cheated on, confused, misused, abused, afraid, insecure, rejected, neglected, mistreated and defeated”. Were those my experiences? Yes. Is that who I am? No. Slowly but surely I unpack those things and release them from my spirit. Why am I even carrying the weight of the actions of others? I’ll leave their demons to them.

“Girl I know sometimes it’s hard and we can’t let go When someone hurts you oh so bad inside You can’t deny it You can’t stop cryin”

Is baggage a bad thing? Well, it depends. Reflecting on the past and pulling from prior experiences is necessary at times but there is a difference between reflecting and dwelling. It’s not really a matter of having issues it is a matter of how you deal with and behave when they are brought to the surface. Of course, you would first have to be aware that an issue actually exists and be willing to take it head on. A lot of times people skip this step and go into new situations expecting someone to fix what they didn’t help break. It is not anyone’s job to “make” you feel secure, less anxious or more confident, those are inside jobs.

“If you start breathin’ Then you won’t believe it You’ll feel so much better. Bag Lady, Let it go let it go let it go let it go”

Baggage can come in many forms, are you aware of what you’re carrying?