Online Dating: Do the Rules Still Apply? By: Milagros Reyes

For those of us who dread the mere thought of failure, dating can be a horrific experience of second guessing our actions as well as the actions of the “date-ee.” Dating can also be a conundrum of overly absurd questions to ourselves, different ways of second guessing our actions. “Did I sneeze too loudly?” “Did I say too much?” “Maybe I shouldn’t have told him how crazy my mom is” UGH! These overwhelming over analytical thoughts playing over and over in our heads like a broken record. The second guessing of our actions and words are all part of the bittersweet dating ritual.

Our parents had it easy. There was barely any technology. No internet. No naked selfies. No girls throwing heart shaped eyes at your man with the hopes of ruining your relationship. Our generation must learn to deal with a lot. Men are put on pedestals that used to be reserved for blushing brides, but as ladies, we put them there.

Some of us ladies have a way of throwing ourselves at men from behind the safety and security of a screen. Comments like “ damn bae, hit me up” or “sexy when are you coming through? Wink wink,” are examples of comments some ladies leave for the world to see under a guy’s picture. Let’s break this down. Not only did you succeed in boosting this man’s ego, but you also made yourself totally attainable.

This man no longer has any real interest (if he had any in the first place) in being with you, in courting you, in making you his. He knows he can have you and that takes the desire away. You also put yourself on display for other men to assume that you would be an easy target. But with those types of forward comments, that is exactly what you sound like. I don’t think it is fair that this is the mindset that men have because I do feel that women should be able to say whatever they want without the fear of judgment. The downside is that although we are progressing as females, men, for the most part, aren’t.

Men are biologically deemed to be hunters. That is something that technology cannot change. A man will always want more what he cannot have. He wants to be with the girl that he had to fight to get, the girl that gave him a hard time because he sees her as a prize. No one appreciates what is handed to them and men don’t appreciate women that make it too easy for them.

Do you ever see a single, fairly attractive female posting angry anti-men quotes? We need to realize that as females, we hold ALL of the power. It is our job as women to command the respect that we deserve. Most men will do as little as possible to get the woman they want. They will put forth the smallest inkling of effort when it comes to courting a woman. But even when you want to give in, even when you really want to see him, even when that little dimple on his left cheek is driving you absolutely wild, you need to be the one to turn to him and say YOU’RE going to respect me. Not in so many words, of course, but you need to command it by your actions and your words and the way that you carry yourself.

For example: It’s Tuesday night around 10pm and you’re sitting at home, bored out of your mind, painting your toe nails and watching whatever reality TV re-run is on. You get a text message from a guy you’ve been seeing who invites you to “meet up for drinks.” Since you’re bored and you think he’s hot, you jump out of the couch to get ready to go.
Now, let’s think about the amount of effort this man put into asking you out. Around 9pm on this lonely Tuesday night, he starts scrolling through his phone, sending the same text message to each and every girl he thinks might bite. Hell, he’ll send them to the girls that he thinks won’t bite either, just for the hell of it. He didn’t call you. He showed no respect for your time and what you might already be doing. (He doesn’t know you were bored) The point is, he showed you NOTHING and you were ready to drop everything to meet him. Although you probably figured you have nothing to lose by going, his perspective of the same situation is that you will jump and run to be with him at a drop of a hat. SCORE! He doesn’t even have to buy you dinner.

The moral of the story is that we can meet men online but the same rules apply. A man must work for you and for him to do so; he must perceive you as a woman of value. In order for that to happen, we start by valuing ourselves. We only deserve what we believe we deserve.