Is Being Strong Your Weakness?

You know what I can’t stand to see? I can’t stand to see someone going through a rough patch, experiencing loss (Yes, it is LOSS. You are sorry for their LOSS not their lost. Write that down and pass it along) or any other hardship and all people can offer are two words that may do a lot more harm than good. “Be strong”, they say. When you utter those words or type them out to a friend or former classmate, I am almost sure that you are attempting to make them feel better but have you thought about what it really says? It says, “I know you are going through something but please pretend like you are not.” “I know you can’t go a few minutes without crying but just fake a smile so nobody will think something is wrong.” Are you telling them that being anything other than strong is wrong?

I believe so. As women, we are often praised for being strong and pushing through things that are thrown our way. A lot of us come from a family of ‘strong Black women’ and they have passed the title to us and therefore we feel obligated to be just that. I get the idea behind it but I think it promotes the idea that being vulnerable is something to be frowned upon. “Never let them see you sweat” right? we take that and we run with and we make sure to hide any physical evidence of our internal turmoil. People see weakness as something to avoid rather than an opportunity to heal, repair and rebuild. If you ever see me down, please don’t tell me to be strong. Remind me that it’s okay be broken and hurt. Tell me to kick, curse scream and cry. Why? Because that is how you get to the good stuff. Faking it til you make it only gets you so far and one day you look up and you’re still faking.. but have you made it?

One of my favorite shows on HGTV is Property Brothers. Property Brothers is a show about twin brothers who tag team realty projects. One of them is a real estate agent who helps his clients find a home and the other is a contractor who totally destroys it before making it anew. During the process some of the home buyers lose their faith as they stand in a kitchen with torn walls, exposed piping and wiring hanging from the ceiling. Those buyers can’t see past the mess and they don’t understand the process. Weeks later when their brand new home is presented to them they are in tears because it is always much more than they expected. Always bigger, always better. Sure, they could have thrown paint over the existing walls to make it look like it was fixed but what good would that do? A problem that is hidden is still a problem. The same can be applied to life’s renovations. Sometimes you have to strip down your walls and be exposed before you can be made into something beautiful and outstanding.

Pay attention to yourself and to your Loved ones. That person who you call at 4am to talk you through your problems probably has no clue how to solve their own. The person who smiles all day could quite possibly cry all night. The person you feel slightly envious of for having it so together just might be falling apart. It’s okay to not be okay. However, if you feel that your battle is constant, it could be more than just not being okay and you should seek out someone to help you. Don’t let being strong be your weakness.