About a week ago,Ā I was talking to two of my female co-workersĀ about modern dating and some trending patterns and behaviors that seem to have become the unfortunate norm. I would say dating, for me, began during high school.Ā If there was a guy that liked you, he would ask for your phone number, call you that day, maybe a day later and by the weekend you would find yourself on a date.Ā Ā Any guy thatĀ IĀ dated came over and met my family and vice versa.Ā IfĀ the relationship made it to a few dates, you naturally became boyfriend and girlfriend and everyone knew whatĀ was up.Ā Donāt get me wrong, guys have been so called āplayersā for asĀ long as I can remember (girls as well butĀ for the sake of my story I am going to stick with the female take on thisĀ issue).Ā Ā However, back in the day, they put in work.Ā Ā They at least played the game and made it seem like they were interestedĀ in you and made efforts to wooĀ the girl.
All of that seems to have changed now, though.Ā Ā Guys donāt seem to have the desire nor the know how to properly pursue a woman that he is interested in.Ā Ā Ā Many of the men that ask a female out donāt want to take the time to go on an actual date.Ā Now they want you to come over and āchillā or āwatch Netflixā.Ā Half of the guys that do want to go out somewhere expect you to pay for part of the date.Ā The guys I dated when I was 17 had better etiquette than the guys I meet now.Ā It was always known that the guy would be paying for the date.Ā He would be embarrassed to even let you reach into your pocket, especially on a first date.Ā Often times, if he asks you to just āhang outā andĀ you thenĀ suggest going out somewhere, you wonāt even hear from him by the time that day comes. Paying for a date also seems to come with the expectation that you will be giving him ādessertā after dinner, if you know what I mean.Ā If you donāt, you might not hear from him again.
At this point in our conversation, we started talking about social media and the role that we believe it plays in this mess of a dating world.Ā See, social media sites like Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat giveĀ men constant and immediate access to tons of girls, many of them posing half naked or showing their backside to the world to get ālikesā.Ā If you pose any sort of a challenge or make it too ādifficultā for a man, he will easily replace you and find a female that is willing to give him what he truly wants from one of many social media websites that are on his phone. With features like the DM (direct messaging) on Instagram, females are sending sexy pictures of themselves to guys.Ā There is even a song by Yo Gotti called, āIt Goes Down in the DMā.Ā This has made many guys think that it is the norm to send pictures of yourself during text conversations.Ā I have had guys ask me to send them pictures within the first ten minutes of texting with them.Ā Itās sad that they have no reservation to ask a woman to do this.Ā The sad thing is, if you donāt send him one, there are probably a dozen other females that will.
It has also become a sad norm that if you are dating or in a relationship with someone, they will look to social media to make themselves feel better or as a way of getting attention when the going gets tough.Ā You and your man get into an argument and donāt talk for a day or two and he is already on Instagram looking for the next woman to boost his ego.Ā Itās pathetic, hurtful and disrespectful.Ā I dated someone who seemed to jump to Instagram every time things went sour between us.Ā Iām not talking about major break ups, Iām talking about normal, everyday arguments.Ā God forbid I was upset and didnāt respond to a text, he was on the prowl on Instagram looking for attention.Ā Instead of facing problems and talking them out, many people now escape into virtual reality because it is much easier than dealing with the actual issue at hand.
Social media has become a threat to many relationships.Ā While I do agree that it is the person that is the issue and we are responsible for our actions, the truth is that there are many people who are not strong enough to resist the temptationĀ when it is so easy to do and literally right thereĀ in the palm of their hand.Ā I know someone personally whoĀ is very close to me and she had this exact problem with her boyfriend.Ā Ā Ā Life, kids, financial struggle and a bunch of other elements were taking their toll on her relationship.Ā He grew more and more distant everyday and seemed to have an obsession with Instagram.Ā He escaped toĀ Instagram every time reality became too difficult and was meeting many girls there.Ā Ā It got to the point that my friend felt very insecure and threatened by his social media pages and would sit there looking through tons of females profiles trying to piece things together.Ā We had friends using fake Instagram pages to āfollowā him to try to find out what was going on.Ā This might sound crazy but trust me, this is actually very common now.Ā The urge to constantly check your partnerās page to see who is ālikingā and commenting has become a part of our everyday routine.Ā It is threatening when you see people of the opposite sex leaving flirtatious emojis under your partnerās pictures and it is a smack in the face.Ā I personally feel that if you are in a serious relationship, you should delete anyone who is leaving these types of comments under your pictures.Ā I was so threatened by my last partnerās IG that I asked him to put up a picture of me.Ā He refused, which onlyĀ madeĀ my insecurities even worse.
I wish we could go back to a time when things were simpler.Ā When a woman was a prize to be earned, when the only way you could get a picture of a woman was to take one yourself during private moments, when men had to actually go out and hustle to find another girl as opposed to just clicking the āRequestā button.