Ballerific Relationships: “Do We Talk?”

We’ve become obsessed with laying claims to people that aren’t ours. With so many antics happening in relationships, the pressure is on. We don’t want to be alone and we want to feel like we have something that we don’t. That’s where “talking” comes in.

We really ask each other questions like “Do we talk?” or “Are we talking?” without asking ourselves what does that even mean? It’s a term our generation just decided to adopt and it doesn’t have a clear definition. It’s a makeshift excuse for the relationship we hope to gain out of the situation. But it doesn’t really exist. There’s no such thing as going from “talking” to dating to a relationship.

Our recipe for dating has gotten way too complex. It used to be a kind gesture to dating to being in love and married. Every couple has their ups and downs but the basic recipe has changed. We’ve added too many ingredients. There are too many factors we worry about that distract us from the goal. There’s no simplicity in dating anymore.

It’s no longer as simple as saying, “I think you look good and I would like to get to know you.” You have to go through all the preliminaries of “shooting your shot” and even have to worry about the repercussions. We’re focused on getting screen-shotted more than we focus on coming correct. We worry about wether or not we’ll get exposed and if it’s worth it. The word “curve” has applied the pressure of exactly how you get to know a girl. There’s a pride in curving someone that just shouldn’t exist. It’s no longer a simple “I’m not interested.” It’s a problem on both sides. For girls, the clout of being able to expose guys is too much to resist. It makes them seem popping and like they have something going on. For guys, we hate to lose. Even if we get hit with a “I’m not interested” we just can’t go out like that. We have to keep going until we get embarrassed or our feelings hurt.

Now if we do get to the point where we have exchanged numbers the games really begin. We put people through all these tests to see if they can hang. There’s games when it comes to texting back, deciding when to go out, and seeing if they have dirt to discover. All this happens through the “talking” stage. We spend countless hours talking and texting just to figure out if we want to go on a date. There’s no more going out and deciding if we continue going. It could be as simple as lunch the next day and deciding after that but we would rather build something before there’s a foundation. Talking doesn’t build a foundation. It builds expectations that end up not being met. We confuse talking for hours with commitment.

Isn’t funny how we love to say “talking” but we don’t talk anymore? Think about it. We don’t talk to see what each other wants. We just assume and roll with it. Once we make it up in our minds that the other person is ours we just run with it. You think you’re going with the flow and the other person is thinking you’re working towards a relationship. This is where the conflicts begins. You think you can go on dates with multiple people if you please and the other person thinks one date means you are exclusive to them. Nobody’s a mind reader. You have to speak up in order to ensure clarification. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up to be let down.

There are success stories out there but they’re limited. The basic recipe still proves to be the best way. But we don’t see enough of that. We’ve glorified the complications and the entertainment of all the antics. For those that stick to the simplicity of romance there is often positive results. We don’t have to put a label on everything we do. Getting to know someone is just part of the process and doesn’t require a title. We can get to know each other with no strings attached. We can go on dates, feel each other out, and decide to keep going from there. The expectations don’t have to be so high all the time. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we do this. Getting back to going with the flow and feeding off the energy people give us is something we need to do.