So yesterday I was on Facebook, doing my daily glance at status updates, and came across this——–> LADIES’ TIP: Don’t write off a good man who appears hesitant … a good woman can change all that. A lot of great men in great relationships now weren’t “ready” to commit. Pleasantries. -Enitan Bereola II
And I liked the status
Don’t you know I’m still bothered by the fact that I did that? It bothered me all day, into my night, into my dreams…now here I am 24hrs and counting later and I needed to write about it.
I mean I happen to agree with the statement that sometimes love just hits you.
You don’t expect it, don’t look for it, it just happens. Now when I decided I was going to write about this particular quote, I had NO idea what I was going to say, or what direction this would go in but it seems like I’m going to be playing two sides.
While I agree with the statement that men in great relationships now weren’t ready for those relationships when the relationship was in their face…(i know its a mouthful but sometimes you have to break it down like that), I struggle to agree with sticking around just because he is a “good” man hoping for that end result.
Case in point… The new show “Love and Hip Hop” and one particular man, Fabolous. His baby mama, girlfriend (whatever the status is) Emily, has stayed around waiting on her “good” man for EIGHT years.
What makes you think that a man who hasn’t claimed you after EIGHT years is worthy of you waiting for him because he didn’t realize the possibilities “great” relationship and a good woman? So the statement in this context doesn’t work. That’s why I wanted to go back and unlike this quote but I was conflicted because it is sound advice.
Do you see where this statement is problematic? Women often get confused particularly about the statute of limitations on their love. So how long should we stick around ladies? I want to know what could be defined as the maximum waiting period on a man to recognize the “good” woman that has patiently been behind the scenes.
I’ve gotten to the point where I have no tolerance for BS. Plain and simple I’m in a place where 2 mistakes gets you a swift kick out the door. If I had waited forever on those “good” men that have come and gone in my life I’d have put in 2 more years than Emily, a decade into my self-inflicted idiosyncratic ways. That doesn’t mean I won’t have more patience for the good ones, see I’ve learned how to pull up the weeds and nurture the flowers…
Point here is ladies, if you pass up a man waiting on him to become ready, you may lose out (because they never seem to be ready), BUT…Don’t wait around like a dog on a lease for a man who in no way is trying to see you walk down that aisle (to him at least), make babies with you, or even just meet your mama at the family cookout. Those are the men you have to cut off…and I mean from EVERYTHING, MySpace, Facebook, cell phone, house phone,yahoo, Skype, ignore on the street, don’t answer the door….u get it…
At the SAME time, stop being so dang ANNOYING. Ladies we don’t give men a break sometimes. We hound them about everything. If a guy is showing you that interest but isn’t moving at the pace you want, maybe you should slow down a bit before you scare him off. I recall watching an episode of the Kardashians where Courtney got mad about Scott leaving the toilet seat up so she rubbed her pee covered hands on his face….Keep in mind that this man (while imperfect) has gone to therapy, survived Kris (the mother), and the ridicule of the ENTIRE family to make changes to be a family for her and their son. I’m sorry if you wipe pee on me I’m GONE. Sometimes we as ladies take things way too personal as and a result we “run out” becoming too demanding and impatient and we lose.
So for my own and whoever else’s clarification on the genius of Bereola II (I LOVE your work if you are reading this) …
It is important to give relationships the chance to naturally develop on their own. Many times that means having patience when dealing with your man. The result of natural progression could be a great relationship with a GOOD man. HOWEVER, don’t sell yourself short waiting on someone who left you in the dust for the sake of one-sided love.