Ballerific Relationships – Secrets

Secrets. We keep them for many reasons. We are sometimes asked to keep them by someone who trusts in us. Sometimes we find out something and don’t think it’s our place to let it be known. Then, there are own secrets. We keep them to protect ourselves from hurt, shame and consequences. There are also those times we keep them when we don’t want to hurt someone else. Successful relationships have a common ingredient, which is communication. Part of communication is being honest. Where do secrets fall in the grand scheme of things? 

Perfect Timing
When revealing a secret, timing is everything. In this case, what influences when a secret should be told is what is being told. There are secrets that should not be told on a first date. After all, you don’t know this person. If you two don’t pursue anything further, you don’t want a stranger who has no interest in you walking around with your secret. However, the amount of children you have, what you really do for a living and your sexual orientation are things you may want to disclose. If a secret can affect your relationship status, you may want to reveal it before taking the next step. If a secret can end your relationship while you’re just dating, what do you think it will do to a marriage? Part of keeping a relationship strong is knowing what to reveal as well as when to reveal it. 

Let It Out…Or Not
There are secrets that you keep and there are those you don’t. Clearly, you want to keep someone else’s secrets. Trust is hard to gain and easy to lose, so when someone confides in you, become a vault. There are exceptions, especially if it involves you or your partner. However, it is at your discretion whether or not you want to divulge what you know. When it comes to your own secrets, you have to determine whether or not it is important to tell your partner. If you think it will affect how they feel about you, then it probably is important. Secrets that you should never keep are ones that involve medical conditions, financial status, marital status, legal situation, immigration status, etc. All these things not only affect you but the person you are with. You have to give them a fair chance at determining how these things make them feel about you. 

Living A Lie…Possibly
We’ve all either experience or seen a situation when a secret is revealed and the response is, “I cant believe you’ve lied to me.” Can withholding information be considered a lie? Technically no. However, withholding information has the same characteristic as a lie, it is misleading. Some people use a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in their relationship. They figure that if they’re not asked about something, they wont come out and tell it. They figure that they did not tell a lie. Fact of the matter is, they did something similar. What they did was mislead their partner by withholding information. There’s a popular cliché that says “what is done in the dark, will come to light.” This is especially true if you are not the only one who knows it. 

Written by : @TheilluminADY

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