Blog – Is It Worth It? by Chris Lewis

Is it worth it?

Sitting with a female coworker of mine the other day she told me about this man she’s been dating off and on for the last 5 years. Now although he treats her good he won’t fully commit to her, won’t acknowledge their relationship publicly and above all after 5 years he’s having a baby with another woman. Now for most women this would be a deal breaker but for her she feels as if this is a sign of God drawing them closer (don’t shoot me I’m just a messenger).

She feels that all of this is worth it because one day they’ll be married but there’s a reality that I don’t think she’s seeing. She’s devaluing herself long term. She’s 32 now although age isn’t a deal breaker to men she’s already given some good years to someone who doesn’t appreciate her and at the rate she’s going she probably won’t ever fully leave.

The question of is it worth it doesn’t apply to the waiting it instead lies within the question of is giving up so much to a person who doesn’t give you nearly as much worth it?. The problem for most people is no one wants to give so much of themselves only to have to walk away (another problem for another blog) instead we as humans decide to be patient and believe that a person can and will change but the truth is they won’t. People get comfortable very easily and if a person realizes their getting away with giving less and getting more why should they change? Why should they strive to be who you are expecting them to be if they have gotten away with being who they wanted?

Everybody wants someone to love that’s a fact that’s encoded in our DNA. But the true fact is not everyone you love will love you the same. Some people have given up so much of themselves to a person who hasn’t appreciated it that when they find someone who does appreciate it they don’t know how to fully give.

And that’s my fear for my coworker. You’ve given so much to a person who won’t match your love that when true love comes around you won’t be as receptive. My other fear is that she does get what she wants but finds herself in a state of unhappiness. Her ultimate goal is the ring and family but in getting that does it mean things have changed or does it mean you got something that keeps you around? Are you just settling down or just settling? Big difference between the two. Settling down means giving yourself fully to the other person but settling means “fuck it”.

You’ve gotta find your self value and determine if what your chasing is worth losing yourself at the end. If you don’t know your true value how can you expect anyone to give you what you want?