Three Things To Remember When Dealing With Your ‘Dysfunctional’ Family This Holiday Season

The holiday season is usually a time when we gather around with our families to eat, celebrate life and rejoice in the blessings we’ve received throughout the year while also shining a light on what we’ve overcome. 

This particular time of the year sometimes isn’t the easiest for people who have unhealthy or restricting relationships with their family members. It’s important first to analyze and fully understand whether or not you truly feel your family is “dysfunctional.” But if you do, do what you need to protect your peace. Being around or deciding to spend time with your “dysfunctional” or “toxic” family during the holidays shouldn’t be a stressful one. Here are three things to remember when dealing with your “dysfunctional” family during the holiday season. 

1. Every Family is Dysfunctional: A Journey To Acceptance

First things first: there’s no completely “normal” family. Everyone and I mean everyone, has issues. Whether it’s a person’s cousin who always has baby mama drama, an uncle who’s battling depression or someone’s mother who’s still bitter about your father leaving, everyone’s got problems. Being a part of a family sometimes means working with people who have their own experiences and issues. It’s good to understand a situation for what it is, but that doesn’t mean you should tolerate toxic behavior. 

 It can be relieving to accept reality for exactly what it is. Accepting tough and draining circumstances can be stressful. But seek to find healing in realizing that nothing is perfect, even when it comes to family. Over time, your journey to accepting will lessen the load of stress sitting on top of your shoulders. Don’t blame yourself or feel responsible for things you absolutely cannot control – ever. 

Something else to consider: there’s power in showing people grace, especially if they’re family. Of course, this specific advice varies depending on the severity of issues in a family. It’s always okay to walk away and avoid toxicity. However, understand that in some cases, people may need to do their own healing before they can fully understand how they’ve harmed you. Accepting can be the first step to your healing. 

2. It’s Okay To Skip Out On Hanging Out With Your Family During The Holidays

Family or not, your peace of mind and health come first. Don’t pressure yourself to be around or deal with situations you are not fully equipped to handle. The holidays, well, hell, life in general, are about being happy. And if your happiness won’t be found sitting around the dinner table with your family, that’s okay. 

 Find other ways to spend your time this holiday season. Go on a trip, kick it with some friends or take a personal day alone. There’s no cookie-cutter outline of what the holidays are supposed to look and be like. Start your own traditions. If there comes a time that you feel lonely, out of place or without, remember that you are not. You are everything you need, even when it doesn’t feel like it. 

3. All Hope Is Not Lost: Seek Help When You’re Feeling Low

The holiday season can oftentimes be directly associated with family. But everyone spends their holiday differently, and many people are open to sharing those shared experiences through online forums or therapy groups. It’s okay to seek help when you feel you need it. And while your family may not have it altogether right now, that doesn’t mean that your family can’t change or progress for the better. And in turn, this doesn’t mean you have to stick family solely because you share a kinship. 

While deciding, try your best to find peace in knowing that you are doing the best you can with the resources and willpower you’ve been given.