GROUPIE SELF-HELP BLOG #5: You must learn the different levels of d*ck…

They have all been hit, by Cap n’ d*ck…read on…

Ladies today’s self-help blog discusses our old friend d*ck and its varying levels. Please print this page out and spread it around to help your fellow sisters (and needless to say young daughters from mid to late teens; yes they’re getting sex younger these days!)

As some of the more experienced amongst you may know, there are different level of d*ck; all d*cks are not created equal. Similarly, p*ssy also has varying degrees but that is a different blog.
I felt compelled to speak to you all about this since the fallout of the Ciara nudey pics on the cover of Vibe magazine situation. This poor young lady was probably hit by the life-changing phenom that ladies such as myself like to call cap n’ d*ck.
Remember Ci Ci’s famously guarded goodies? Well dat ni$$a fifty turned those goodies around, blew her back out and hit da bottom. I mean how else can one explain such a drastic step such as firing her long-time manager and appearing on a magazine basically nude (even though she is now saying that they were air-brushed but I call B.S. on that one)
He prolly made her feel as if the now infamous pics would give her career a much needed boost at the time. Well it gave her a career boost alright, but all in the wrong direction. And if they were intended to be classy pics as Ciara claims on her video about the shoot, they why is she squatting with a ‘come f*ck me’ open mouth in the above pic? Because cap n’ dick was let out to play and killed all of her normal senses of reasoning. Poor 22 year old Ci Ci prolly didn’t know what hit her. But I digress…

We ladies (and groupies) must learn the power of the d*ck lest we be lost to the world forever. You must respect the d*ck and try your best not to taste it until you are fully aware of the consequences.

See the list below for the different categories of d*ck:

Lame D*ck: Self-explanatory. Dude better give some good head to compensate; or alternatively have a big bank account at your disposal.

Guilty D*ck: You usually take this kind after you have cheated on your main squeeze with another man that possesses a higher degree of d*ck. Use sparingly.

Gad dayumn! D*ck: So good that it makes you say ‘Gad dayumn!’ and sends chills down your spine. Don’t always last long, but good while it lasts. Usually average size and thickness of between 5 – 7 inches)

Eye-watering D*ck: The ones that some of my friends affectionately call ‘horse pricks’. Yes ladies, it’s big, it’s bad and it can be ugly. You look at it and think ‘how the hell is this going to work?’. You don’t really want to hurt dude’s feelings but what he’s workin with could severely damage your insides not to mention your spine. Also this kind of d*ck on a regular could leave a chick with no walls and a windsock for a va jay jay. Use eye-watering d*ck with extreme caution and consider giving head more often than p*ssy in this case. Usually with the range of 9 – 12+ and very thick diameter too.

Daddy D*ck: This one is the type of D*ck that don’t just bang you out. Daddy d*ck makes love to you, takes its time, switches up the strokes and had you wondering if your legs can stretch open that half inch further. Daddy d*ck is like a box of chocolates, a bunch of roses, cup of cocoa and winning the lottery all at the same time. It’s all ‘feel-good’ and gives you its undivided attention. You will be wanting that man’s babies after he’s done with you. Beware of Daddy d*ck, when placed in the wrong hands it could be hazardous to your health..

Cap n’ D*ck: Ladies; this is the holy-grail of d*ck. The mother of all d*ck. The d*ck that will have you dropping them draws as soon as that kneegrow walks through the door. Cap n’ of d*cks is Gad dayumn d*ck, eye-watering d*ck and daddy d*ck all rolled into one. It is highly dangerous in the hands of a player but like striking pure crude oil in the hands of your hubby.
Cap n’ d*ck is what made Ciara do a naked Vibe mag cover; Vivica dance like a hoochie mama with Lil John on stage at the VMA’s and Elise Neal just ‘kick it’ (and we all know what that means) with 50 cent for a whole year without the prospect of a steady relationship. Go ask em if you don’t believe me. Cap n’ dick will have a chick speaking in tongues, crying like a baby and passing out. The most toxic of men usually possess it; you know, the ones that everybody tells you to leave (even the postman knows) but you can’t cos the sex is just out of this world.
Before you know it, you’ll be giving this dude your car keys, buying him a new wardrobe, the pin number to your bank/credit card etc. Dazed and confused is not the word, look at Britney and K-Fed as a case in point. Cap n’ d*ck may feel as good as crack but just like the highly addictive drug it should be approached with extreme caution.

See, God made no mistake when he decreed that sex before marriage was ill-advised. In most religious text, whether you read the Bible, the Quran , the Torah or anything else, you will find that God deems that we should only engage in sexual relations within the security of a marriage (I know, I know, it’s not always secure).
But God made no mistake to advise the caution; God was just telling us the raw truth. Sex can be so powerful that it is sometimes best used within the confines of a marriage lest women be left holding the baby. Look around you and you will see what I mean.
Obviously, I know that as mere humans we can be weak and commit what the church likes to call ‘sins of the flesh’ and I know that most of us would go crazy if we had to wait until marriage to pop our collective cherries. That is not the point of this blog at all, I am only trying to demonstrate the extent as to which our creator had warned us against playing with tha d*ck just like that.

Young women (and some older ones too) all over the world are being left behind with all sorts of problems including, unwanted pregnancy, debt, STDs, broken hearts and shattered dreams all because of a few moments (and in some case a few hours) of ecstasy. Once you are aware of the power of the d*ck, then you can use that knowledge to your advantage. Unless you are like fellow BallerAlert member Cassandra and are able to detach sex and love successfully (trust me, it is mucho difficult, kudos to Cassandra for being able to do it) then try your best to hold out on sex for as long as you possibly can; this is ever more important when embarking on a new relationship with a dude that you actually care for. It may be tempting to open up those legs of yours after the first few dates but trust me, if you do hold out and if he is a good man, then he will respect you in the end. Once you finally do have sex then the chances are higher of him keeping you around for a long time.
In contrast if you are that weak and let him hit it too soon, he may not respect you and worse treat you like a jump off or booty call. Both of these can destroy your self esteem beyond repair so don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you play the game right, you can flip d*ck power to your advantage into p*ssy power. Once you can attain this level of control over your body, you become what is known in some circles as a ‘bad b*tch’. This is the kind of woman that players fear and real men want to catch.

You must learn ladies; and as a final thought please remember to always respect yourselves and always respect the d*ck.

One day, this information may just save your life.


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