The 10 Side-Chick Commandments

I spotted this over at Mommy’s Dirty Little Secret. I’ve written a blog about being a side chick so it was really interesting to see a list for the men who have a side chick. Check out the 10 side chick commandments. How do the blogs compare?

Side Chick Commandments by Kasmo Huxtable

10. Show Zero Affection To Her On Social Networking Websites/Apps. (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram) Never Make It Public That Ya’ll Messing Around. Keep Her In The Closet Like Tyler Perry & An Old Pair Of Boots. If She Mention You On Twitter Always Reply Via DM Or Text Message. Just Hit Her With The “Why You Writing Me On Twitter If You Have My Number?” Line.

9. Only Give Minimal No Frills Foreplay. Cheek Kisses, Stomach Kisses, Neck Sucking, & Fun Bag Sucking Are All Cool. Do NOT Eat Her Box & Definitely Don’t Eat Her Ass. Once You Go Buffet Mode On Her Vag Pattie You Can’t Call Her Anything Disrespectful & If You Eat Her Ass She Owns 22.4 Percent Of Your Soul For The Next 5 Years. Real Niggas Don’t Love Hoes or Taste Their Cum.

8. Never Meet Up With Her Before Midnight. Side Chicks & Smuts Are Similar To Gremlins. You Feed Them or Get Them Wet After Midnight & They Wild The Fuck Out. The Perfect Time To Hang Out With A Sidechick or Smut Is 2AM-6AM. If She Come Over Hungry Feed Her. (Diner Food, Deli Sandwich, West Indian Food, Etc.) Side Chicks & Smuts Perform Like Porn Stars On A Full Stomach.

7. Never Let Her Spend The Night. Waking Up At Noon Next To A Chick That You Give Zero Fucks About Is The Most Annoying Shit Ever.  Always Provide Cab Money For Her To Go Home. Let Her & Her Swollen Box Sleep In Her Own Comfy Bed. You Don’t Want Her Getting Too Comfortable Plus You Get To Dodge Paying For Breakfast In The AM.

6. Never Introduce Her To Mom Dukes. Never Bring Her To Family Functions. (Weddings, Baby Showers, BBQs, Etc.) Don’t Take Her To The Barber Shop Either. Side Chicks & Smuts Feel Magic Skool Bus Special When You Take Them To The Barber Shop. She Will Instantly Start Thinking “Aww He Really Likes Me” Then She’ll Start Thinking She Can Do Annoying Shit Like Starting Petty Arguments.

5. Never Hit It Raw. Always Have Rubbers On Deck. She Might Be Carrying Around Little Pizza Oven. You Don’t Wanna Wake Up Discharging Guacamole From Your Penis. Even Though A Brooklyn Scientist Has Recently Discovered That Winter Green Alcohol Kills 85.7 Percent of All STDs. Always Use Protection. Plus You Don’t Wanna Risk Getting Her Pregnant. Nothing Is Scarier Than A Missing Period Not Even A Missing Toddler. Playing Dodge Calls With Maury Is Tiring Too.

4. If She Don’t Live In A Cozy Private House Always Make Her Come Visit To You. Leaving Somebody’s Projects At 4:30 In The Morning Is No Fun. It’s Usually At Least 12 Goon Niggas Outside Of Her Building Smoking & Drinking. You Don’t Wanna Get Robbed For “Fronting” aka Walking Pass Them. To Prevent All That Just Take Her To The Crib or A Short Stay Motel. The Charge Is Usually About 50 Bucks For 4 Hours. That’s More Than Enough Time To Bust A Few Nuts.

3. NEVER Take Her Shopping. I Don’t Care If Her Head Game Is Oscar Award Golden. NEVER Take Her Shopping. I Don’t Care If She Can Suck The Nuts Clean Off A PayDay Bar. NEVER Take her Shopping. Only Buy Her Food, Liquor, & Cab Rides. If You Buying Her Shoes, Clothes, & Giving Her Weave Money You Might As Well Make Her Your Boo.

2. The 50 Flavors Of Bacardi. It’s The Cheapest Dope Liquor. Always Have Some Flavored Bacardi On Deck For Her. It Get The Freaks Open After About 3 Nice Size Cups. You’re Wasting Money Buying Ciroc To “Fake Watch” A Movie At Home. Bacardi Will Only Cost You 16.99 & It Hit Heads Harder Than Young Tyson.  Give A Chick “Coco Broko” aka Barcardi Coco & Pineapple Juice & She’ll Blow You Better Than Lisa Simpson Does Her Trumpet. Also Svedka aka Grey Pigeon Mixed With Tropicana Juice Works Too.

1. Never Tell Her “I LOVE YOU” Especially During Pillow Talk. NEVER

What do we think of this list?

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