Recently, I overheard a young lady praising her friend and telling her that she’s a “real b****” because she invited her boyfriend’s child and his mother to her daughter’s birthday party. I didn’t realize that was something to praise as I assumed and hoped that it would be normal behavior when you are dealing with someone who has children who happen to be related to the ones you bring into the world. I posed a question to a large group of women who all have children with guys who have children from previous relationships and most of them stated that they have nothing to do with the other children. Some claimed that the reason is that they don’t like the mom but when asked why I received “because.. I just don’t” as an answer. Okay, girl. Often, the real reason is that they do not trust that the relationship between their man and his ex is truly over or that it may be revived if they are near one another for more than 5 seconds. There may be trust issues, insecurities or other types of underlying issues that need to be addressed. It surely doesn’t help if the woman still has a thing for the guy. If she does, that’s her problem to deal with. If you are with a man who is true to you he will handle it accordingly. If you don’t trust him enough to do so then maybe the two of you need to start there.
You would think that as women who are raising siblings, that act of coming together wouldn’t be foreign but it is. It baffles me how women get into a relationship and have children with a guy who has (a) child(ren) from a previous relationship and decides she wants no involvement with the child or their mother over something silly. Granted, you don’t have to like her or become her best friend.. you don’t have to get your A.Keys, Mashonda and Swizz Beatz on and vacation together if that’s not your thing, but you can’t even pull it together enough to raise your children together as the family that they are? You do realize that if you have a child with this man that your child and her child are (or will be) brother/sister, right?? I’ve even heard of women who are so hell bent on not dealing with the mother that they attempt to convince their man to distance himself and lessen his role in his child’s life. Chile, if he is willing to do that do you even WANT him? Yuck.
In 2012 the world got wind of Oxygen’s plan to premier a show entitled ‘All My Babies’ Mamas’ starring Shawty Lo, his 11 children and the 10 women he shares those children with. The show was set to chronicle the day to day lives of this big, blended family but was canceled before it even aired. I watched the trailer when it premiered and I remember thinking of what a hot mess the show was going to be but I definitely planned to tune in. Judge your muvah! Other than the fact that I think he has way too many raw smash sessions, one thing that I enjoyed while watching the trailer was how all of the women worked together and seemed to be heavily involved in the lives of all of the other children as well as their mothers. While some of them are very fond of each other and hang out outside of family time, a few of the women expressed their dislike for one another. Even though they don’t all have personal relationships they are able to put their differences aside and come together as a unit when the children are involved. Not only is it important for children to have a relationship with their siblings, it is equally important that they witness healthy dealings between the people who are raising them. If TEN women can get together why can’t TWO?
I think it is beautiful when two families can come together for the greater good. It may not be easy and quite possibly requires a lot of work, patience and gulping down your pride at times but it could be worth it.
“Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.” Jada Pinkette-Smith on forming a relationship with Sheree. (Will’s ex wife and mother of his son, Trey.)
Is ‘baby mama drama’ the reason you deprive your children of forming bonds with their siblings? Do you think it is important to get along with the mother(s) of your boyfriend’s or husband’s children?