If you have been watching the Braxton Family Values, then you know their parental situation. Toni Braxton’s mom and dad divorced years ago. After divorcing Evelyn Braxton, 30 years later, the Braxton patriarch married another woman. Of course, this causes pain for many, especially the children involved. Questions began to form from the children like: “What did we do?”
It is natural to blame the other woman without even speaking to her. Is it right? Of course not, but are you thinking logically when you’re in pain? When children are involved, you have to ensure that your decisions do not affect them negatively. Now that your personal life has changed, that means vacations and family gatherings will also change. It isn’t always fair to everyone, especially the ex-wife.
The ex-wife has to learn to live without you and the children have to understand that daddy isn’t going to be around as often as he used to. In order to keep that positive relationship with your children, you have to spend time with them. When birthdays, graduations, vacations, and etc. come around, you want both parents present. Well, your dad has moved on. Do you invite the new wife? You want to be respectful to your mom and ensure that everyone is comfortable. Often times the ex-wife (mom) is not going to be happy with that situation and there is no way around it.
Should the ex-wife meet the new wife? This depends on the situation of the relationship. If the divorce was amicable, then it is cool. Now, if the new wife is the cause of the divorce, then hell no. Why in the world would I want to sit down with you? What do we have to talk about? Some may call it bitter but in reality, it is their choice and sometimes healing takes time. Don’t do anything that you are going to regret later. I know that the children do not want to hurt the parents, but you have to respect other’s feelings. The mom (ex-wife) may still be affected by the situation. To have the “other” woman in her space may bring back the hurt and pain.
When mom is ready to deal with the situation, she will on her own time. Do not force the situation. Marriage and dating are not the same, so you have to treat it as such. When you have been with someone for 20+ years with children, there are more than feelings involved. Patience is the key! In the meantime, vacations, birthdays, and other events will be separate.
Will mom ever come around? It is possible, but only time can truly tell. If you want a relationship with your dad and his wife, then do so, but be mindful not to talk about what you did with your “other” family. Don’t make mom uncomfortable and more resentful. Although we may move on, that hurt still lingers. Find a way to make everyone in the situation happy. It may take some time, but at the end of the day loyalty, happiness, and family are important.
Have you dealt with a similar situation? How did you handle it?