Casual sex, when it works, is an amazing thing: two consenting individuals fulfilling each other’s sexual desires, without the stress of a commitment or relationship. Once again, when it works. Often times before we realize it, we’ve already become well addicted to the healing powers of good sex. Being blindsided by the overwhelming pleasure of consistently good sex, we begin to wander outside the boundaries of casual. Maybe it’s the familiarity, or closeness that skews our judgment, but we cannot forget what we agreed to initially. The moment we forget, and get drunk off how they make your body feel, is the pivotal moment things get messy, feelings will more than likely get hurt, and a good thing is ruined. Since people continue to forget that casual sex is just that, I felt that it was only right to breakdown how to keep a casual fling, casual.
Discuss what casual means and consist of between the two of you:
Everybody’s definition of casual is different. Before you begin having casual sex with a potential, have a grown-up discussion about what it means, what you all expect of it and what that will look like. For example, you all are obviously not going to have sessions where you share relationships goals secrets or personal issues. Instead, occasional convos about what movie the two of you are going to watch for your Netflix and Chill moment is more appropriate. Furthermore, agree to what is acceptable or not acceptable in the beginning, so there’s a point of reference if things begin to go left.
Respect each other’s space:
Talking every day, checking up on each other’s whereabouts, and invading one another’s inbox every five minutes, is a relationship. Let’s call a spade a spade and not pretend those are just nice gestures. Make sure you don’t mistake sex for love, and begin to think that because they want to have sex with you. Just because they have sex with you doesn’t mean they want to be around you all the time. Lets be honest, the sex is amazing but you can’t forget the agreement that was made prior. Space is healthy and necessary, so respect that both of you have other obligations, other friends, and other relationships to invest time in.
Don’t manipulate your sex partner for control:
Humans are extremely territorial and like to lay claim to anything we can. Therefore, the urge to claim the person you are having causal sex with comes naturally. But, they aren’t yours to claim, just borrow, and you know that. So don’t intentionally lead them on, play emotional games and say things like “I could see myself with you…” to confuse them, give them hope and keep them close. If you’re after exclusivity, re-evaluate what it is you are looking for, as casual sex may not be it. No mind games! Be honest with yourself and them.
Keep your casual sex partner separate from anyone you show interest in romantically :
Don’t ask them for advice, confide in them about who you may be in love with, or even discuss a possible romantic interest with them. There are so many things that can go wrong. One, your sex buddy can use that information to compete for your love. Or worse, they can be messy in order to sabotage your love interest. Avoid any messiness, and keep them separate. No need to share that kind of information, period.
Casual sex exists purely to have easy, and non-committal relations, and should be kept that way. Be sure to respect each other’s boundaries and do not get too comfortable. Keep everything on the up-and-up, and your casual fling should be nothing but good sex and occasional convo!
Remember to keep casual sex casual and nothing more. Be safe and have fun!