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Black Men Don’t Date Dark Skin Black Women

dark skin

 

Now that I’ve got your attention, I’d like to dedicate this blog to my Black Women, specifically dark skin black women. If you choose to read beyond the title, I commend you. You’re smart. I like that. If you choose to stop at the title and get angry because you didn’t want to catch the context of this entire blog, I feel sorry that you’ll miss some wise gems below.

 

Now let’s move on to the matter at hand, the relationship between the black woman and the black man: Is it broken? The short answer: Not as much as we are lead to believe. So black women, dark skin black women, this is where we need to have a chat and discuss what WE are doing wrong. Follow me…

 

Dark skin black women, we have got to stop adopting the theory that black men do not date black women, and if they do, they don’t date dark skinned women. This is a complete lie made up by people who want nothing more than for you to feel less worthy of love. No, celebrity men are not dating “others” more than they are dating and marrying black women. This is a false narrative that as a community, we should stop entertaining. You see, when we believe these memes, we are reinforcing that black women are not desirable. We are passing that on to other black women in our lives, including our daughters. It’s a lie and I’ll prove it.

 

In 2010, the US Census Bureau reported that nearly 90% of Black men had Black wives. This number is still in the high 80’s and debunks all of those lies that black men are not marrying black women. It also debunks the lies that black women are not getting married. So, with this information readily available to us, why are we quickly believing that black men don’t want us?

 

Over the past week, I have seen the photos above tweeted and retweeted by black women who believe that black men, celebrity black men included, are choosing to date/marry non-black or light skin.  However, the photo above also neglects to show you a few things. 1) These black men have all dated/married dark skinned women in the past. Some of them have children with a beautiful brown woman.  Just because you date a mixed woman, it does not erase the love you had for a black woman and you shouldn’t even entertain that thought. 2) The women above identify as black and heavily represent their black/African roots. You should not assume because they are lighter in hue that they are ANY less black than you. Who are you to determine someone else’s blackness? If we stopped fighting against each other, we could see the bigger picture: as a whole we are winning! We are beautiful in all shades and women straight from Africa can be light, dark, mixed or otherwise. We are still goddesses and should treat each other as such.

 

I find that women who subscribe to the mentality that black women aren’t wanted, feel this way out of insecurity. It’s unfair to project your insecurity on to other women. Not every dark skinned woman struggles with dating. In fact, I know several who could have their pick of any man they wanted. If you find that you’re having trouble getting men to notice you, it may not be your skin, it’s your lack of confidence. You see, insecurity has a look, a touch and a smell. A suitor can tell just by looking at you that you don’t feel worthy for their attention. They’ll either completely bypass you, or get with you and use you to their advantage. A true queen holds her head up so that her crown doesn’t fall. This means that no matter who you’re in a room with, you must present yourself in a manner that shows that you believe that you are worthy of respect, love and admiration. Nothing less. With this mentality, you will be beating men off with a stick. Even women society would lead you to believe are “unattractive” are able to attract men because of their confidence and attitude.

 

Yes, black women have been teased as children. Yes, some black men get on social media and belittle black women, making us feel that we are undesirable. We shouldn’t feed the trolls. We are adults and there is a life outside of Twitter and Instagram. Beautiful black women are getting engaged and married daily, and they look just like you and I. Beautiful black women are marrying celebrity men. For every famous man who married a non-black woman, I can name a successful man who married a black one. Lebron James, Dwyane Wade, Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul, Denzel Washington, Courtney B. Vance, Barack Obama, are all married to black women. Kelly Rowland is happily married and lord knows Serena Williams, Lupita N’yongo and Naomi Campbell have no problem getting a man.  So who says black women are undesirable?

 

Lastly ladies, stop making up fake facts and statistics about celebrity men and their dating lifestyle if you will never find yourself dating a celebrity man. Even IF celebrity men chose to date only a certain type of woman, that should mean nothing to you if you don’t run in celebrity circles. A lot of you don’t even go outside, where do you suppose you’re going to meet a Baller? In your kitchen?  Devoting energy to men you don’t want, won’t date or will never meet, is a waste of time.

 

This long winded post serves as a reality check to my dark skinned women. I want you to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you. Stop letting memes tell you that you have to look a certain way or be a certain way to attract a man. Be yourself and love yourself. A man worthy of you will find you, I promise.

About Eleven8

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70 comments

  1. I get what you were trying to say, but every part of this delivery is all the way wrong in so many ways….

    • I agree with MyWildFro. The motivation is great but don’t be blind to what’s real. Being picked on as a child for being a dark skinned girl can be very traumatizing. It’s difficult to overcome being picked on for something you can’t change and for something that’s deemed as ugly. Of course it affects your self esteem. And the media portrays dark skinned women negatively as well! It happens often and is not to be taken lightly. MANY black celebrity men date outside their race. Almost every time I look one up that’s what I see. Be honest about it, that’s fact. It’s troubling because our black men look up to alot of these celebrities. Most of them imitate what they see. It is also no secret that we struggle with colorism in our culture and dark skinned women are most affected by this. Did you watch the documentary “Dark skinned girls”? You should! The healthy and more tangible thing for black women to do is know our worth and believe that we are beautiful and desired in all shades, explore dating outside our race (never know who God has for you), and surround ourselves around men who do not have a race and color complex about black women.

    • I agree with MyWildFro and Tammy K. Over 45 years ago, me, a chocolate hued black teenager began “keeping company” with a tall, light-skinned black teenager. We were like “two peas in a pod”…we had so much in common, and early on, we started planning our “life together.” I would write the children’s books; he would illustrate them. Some day we would have children….at least two…they would be a “mixture” of both of us, with “peanut butter brown” skin. But it was not to be. His father was outraged that his son was dating someone “so damn dark.” My relatives were upset because he was not dating my cousin who shared the same light skin tone, whom they felt was “more deserving” of him. His father sent him 700 miles away to live with his deceased mother’s sister’s family — all light skinned. Years went by, and after his father died in a tragic fire, we reconnected. By that time I was married (to a brown man, and the mother of a brown daughter). He wanted me to leave my husband, but that wasn’t going to happen. He passed away at age 39 from HIV/AIDS. I still think about him, especially when I run into his younger brother (now in his late 50’s), who bears a strong resemblance to him. Divorced, in my mid-40’s, I dated a man (brown skinned), whose mother and sisters were much lighter than me. It was hellish….they never thought I was “good enough” for their brother. Eventually, we broke up, and I vowed…NEVER AGAIN….I’m worth much more than the shade of my skin.

    • Black men are not attractive at all I don’t see all the hype about them what is everyone upset about white men are better for everyone

      • Rachel you are an idiot and a fool by making a statement like that that’s not ever Worth repeaing in polite company grow up get a brain and use it to explore within your self just how stupid your generalizing about black men are .

  2. wouldnt have to trick people into reading your work if it wasnt trash

    • Wasnt a “trick” it all. It forced black men to outwardly say on social media that they love black women. Something some black women need to hear because they don’t hear it enough. You have a blessed day.

      • ….Well then why not gear the tone of the article toward the men saying this and not perpetuating the stigma; rather than telling dark skin women how to feel,what to think and how to react?….all the while completely disregarding the nuances in the black community… (which should have been the first thing you mentioned,given this was the type of article you wanted to write)….I’m sure your intensions were good,but do more research, site your sources and hone in on the general attitudes,music and social media and write an article telling the MEN in the black community how they should act towards their dark skin ‘sistas’….our community is constantly on the women,but never stops to check the ideals and actions of the men….please,quite passifying them and furthering the hardness of the black women.

        • ??????. I agree and take back what I said about what black women should do in my reply. This issue of colorism should be addressed.

          • I don’t take the article as and help for women with no confidence. It came off as don’t think when a man is rich, that you have no chance!

      • Listen this is a great article, you can’t convince someone they are more than what they are. If they never knew that there entire life. When your mother or father don’t say your pretty, no one can tell you that. All positive vibes from this article. Took it as a pep talk, on the topic “cause a man is successful don’t think your looked over.” Not as dark is beautiful in everyone’s eyes. Keep up the good work.

      • I got exactly what you were saying and you are right.

      • William C Ingalsbe

        I love black women. Not a black male

  3. Very well written article Eleven8! It’s awesome to see a beautiful black woman from my hometown spreading positivity to our people. As you stated far too often negativity people’s only focus. Love yourself and the right folks will be dying to love you too.

  4. I think you are absolutely correct in the fact that black men date and marry black women as a whole.

    The picture, however, is an accurate depiction of successful (wealthy) men centering european standards of beauty. Not saying that they don’t marry black women, but eurocentric beauty standards are placed upon all people and people of color are not void of this. Often times these men marry fairer skin, looser curl pattern, european facial featured women. Its discussed in music. Perpetuated on social media with “light skin vs. dark skin”.

    Colorism is real and this is a tad bit dismissive of that.

    • Amen. Your comment is a more accurate one!!!! @ Sonya.

      The article, while well intended, misses the nuances that this photo points out. Successful black men are seemingly repelled by women who fall short of the Euro standard of beauty and this most happens to be darker women with Afro-centric features. Colorism IS still real and believe me, there are plenty of beautiful, dark women who have their pick of the litter who will tell you that it IS real. An entire group of people did not just CONSPIRE to develop a theory or insecurity based only on a perceived mistreatment or exclusion. That exclusion exists; and while it IS certainly time for us to come together as women of color, you (@Eleven8) are remiss to be dismissive of Colorism as if it is some hypochondrial disorder that millions of dark skinned black women have decided to perpetuate.

      • This isn’t true either. Of Black males who make 100k or more, 80% marry black women. The only reason you see more black white with richer men is because people often date, fall in love with, and marry those they are closet too. And when you’re making the big bucks guess who’s usually there? Black people are already a minority, so as you climb the economic strata the air becomes rarer and rarer so its easier to slip and fall for a becky.

        And you also have to realize that there is a full-court press by whites to get interracial couplings. Notice how their ‘liberalism’ is mainly around dating. They aren’t clamoring to lift the illegal, unjust and horribly detrimental war on drugs. They aren’t clamoring to end the slave-labor in prisons and shut them all down. They aren’t rioting and picketing so that black women have financial support so they don’t feel the need to get abortions. No they’re actually giving anonymous donations to planned parenthood and specifying that it goes towards aborting a black baby.

        What YOU DO SEE them be ‘liberal’ about, is fucking black people. They don’t even care that black men won’t stick around. Because they want the melanin. They want the babies because more and more its getting harder to have them on their own. The sun does not like their people and it grows worse BY THE DAY. I will hip you to some knowledge. Human reproduction requires many things to go well, but one thing it requires is folate. If you don’t have folate reproduction becomes difficulty/impossible.

        So what’s happening? The sun shines UV rays everyday on the planet, and people with less melanin happen to have the folate knocked right out of their bodies by it. The process is called photolysis. Either the atmosphere has gotten weaker, or the sun has grown stronger gradually, but the UV index has been sky high and whites start having trouble reproducing. So what do they do? They VERY begrudgingly turn to those who are unaffected by this (fertility rates in Subsaharan Africa are still far above replacement, an area where the sun shines the brightest).

        But they can’t let you know they need your dna. They can’t let you know that they are weak and you are strong. So what do they do? They make up LIES. Lies like ‘black men don’t like black women’ by using the few autistic black males (whom the whites created with their neurodegenerative ‘vaccine shots’ which damage the brain and prevent proper socialization) to appear like a mass. They do the same with the ‘swirling’ sisters, even though I accept that black women like white men and have been sleeping with them for a long time, but white men have (stolen) all the money and power. It would be like if white women had a monopoly on booty, some things cannot be helped, but I digress.

        The point is the internet is a WEAPON of psychological control. You can kill 1 man with 1 bullet, but you can destroy a nation with 5 minutes on the internet and the right audience. It was really a no-brainer.

        • I just want to jump in here and say that I build a dark skin women are the prettiest woman in my race they have the lunch was bodies and put it politely they can work all night long if you know what I mean I find the more tractive and more friends friendlier than a light skin black woman also why do you always treat me better than my skin black women then light skin black women but I do prefer and love my chocolate blackout a bright I’m no you know the rest

    • I thank you for this article! It had very good points. I too believe that every woman wins as much as she wants. However, I’m with Sonya here. The census doesn’t decipher between light and dark skinned African American women which is what this article is all about right? And to be honest, no one cares who these men dated back when they were broke criminals.

      I’m 24 years old and the guys my age and younger have adopted the mentality that once they reach a certain status, they almost HAVE to climb the pigment latter. I personally attract guys who want to date black women, but I have friends who have a reoccurring problem with guys who perferr light, even white women over them soley based off of their complexions. There is and has always been a inferiority complex and self hate within black men themselves. But that’s another article for another day. For today I would like to add that women of color have heard at least 18,000 times in our lives from black men that they “don’t discriminate” and will date any color, any body size, any whatever! We too need to stop discriminating and see what other sides are like. We love our black men but hey.

      • You’re falling for the trap. The people who say ‘we should date any color’ are not saying so in a vacuum. They are saying this out of frustration. Similar frustration that you are expressing. But your frustrations are not grounded in general reality. Yes there are people who are ‘color struck’ but they are so because society propagandizes them to be. Its like a cornered animal, it will stand on its legs and stick up its hairs to look bigger and scarier than it actually is. There are 40 MILLION blacks in America, do you think they got there because either gender likes anything other than blacks?

        Be realistic. Dating out is a trap. You are creating wealth for the white man (in terms of economics if you’re a male, in terms of continued genetic lineage if you’re a female). You are merely playing into their hands when you say “We too need to stop discriminating and see what other sides are like. ” You’ve already seen what ‘other sides’ are like. They enslaved your ancestors. They raped your mothers and grandmothers till they bled to death. They cut open the bellies of pregnant women and STOMPED ON THE HEADS OF YOUR SEED to put the ‘fear of the white man’ into other pregnant women who saw.

        They enslaved TENS OF MILLIONS OF YOUR PEOPLE. They BEAT THEM TO DEATH. THEY SHOVED BROKEN GLASS AND SCORPIONS DOWN THEIR ASSHOLES. THEY DRAGGED THEM BEHIND JEEPS UNTIL THEY DISINTEGRATED. THEY SEARED OFF THE BREASTS OF WOMEN. THEY WORKED YOU, STARVED YOU, KILLED YOU. AND THEY DIDN’T BAT A FUCKING EYE WHILE THEY DID IT. THEY STILL HAVE NOT APOLOGIZED FOR THIS BRUTAL PERIOD IN HISTORY AND STILL REFUSE TO DO SO TO THIS DAY. And you want to know what they ‘are like’? I don’t mean to call you out your name but, BITCH where have you been??

        • It the truth be told . I agree with most of what you were commenting on . That being said, I think referring to Sonja as a ” Bitch” in in called for and immature on your part . This is the reason why manufactured or not these notions about black men and/ or black women ” Swirling ” because the other gender thinks the other side of the fence is more exceptabe is a conditioned response to what the majority Society thinks is exceptable for us . Yes despite 90 per cent of black folks date and marry other black folks there is 10 per cent of black men and women who DO marry and date outside for various reasons both factual and for ridiculous reasons . For good or bad people at going to do what they want . Whether you like it or not . Your right we do need to have a dialog about HOW WE TREAT EACH OTHER !!! Hopping across the fence looking for greener pastures will not be the solution None blacks can not solve our Romanized woes only black folks can do this for ourselves !! How the hell are we going to get along and love others if we can’t even get together as a race and unite and love respect and honor ourselves!!! Food for thought …

  5. I think what you wrote moves us forward socially! I love the optimism it brings and it has facts to support. What I don’t understand is in the guise of being objective, why come on here being negative? Shrug.

  6. Hi,

    I like your post. And thank you for the encouragement. However as a dark skinned (Nigerian Women) I disagree with you on somethings. Growing up I experienced so much backlash from black women/men for being a dark skinned girl and for being African. Growing up and still till this day having lighter skin / being mixed is more praised. It’s like being a dark skinned girl is a curse or something. I blame African Americans for this sick mindset. I have experience so many hurtful things growing and still till this day about my dark skin. I was told by one of my guy friends that prefers to date white/ mixed women. That the only reason he like dating them is because he thinks they have good hair and that they don’t have to wear makeup to be pretty. So basically he was saying that women with darker skin aren’t naturally beautiful. No disrespect at all but I just don’t agree with some of the things you have stated in your post. I think dark skinned girls get SO much backlash . We go through a lot and have to develop thick skin. Maybe in the article you posted above you should also Include. Black men/women should stop looking down upon black women/men with darker skinned tones. Because believe or not it’s our own race that needs help. I don’t understand why we can’t all celebrate one another.

    I am a professional model and I can’t tell you how many times people have mistreated me and have tried to make me feel less than. Being a dark skinned women in the industry I’m in I have to make sure I’m the baddest chick in the building I definitely have to work harder. So excuse me if I think that some NOT all black men prefer light skinned women more than darker women.

    I love my Dark skin I love that I’m an ethnic Nigerian Queen!

    • You lost me when you said you blame African-American for that. That’s not true at all. That problem had been existing in Nigeria forever. So don’t blame African-Americans for it. People have been bleaching their skins in Nigeria because of the way they were raised. Parents will give priority to a lighter skinned daughter over the dark skinned. This is the mentality that the society has bestowed upon us as a race. This happens in the east and north especially. I’m Nigerian and I can tell you that I have always loved and will continue to love my dark skinned Nigerian women. In fact, the darker the skin tone, the better. Hell, my Southern Sudanese women get a lot of love from me.

      So if anyone ever tells you that you’re not beautiful, pay them no mind. You’re a queen and will always be one.

    • Dear “unknown” I am a African American male that is brown skinned . First of all please except my apologies for the actions of our brothers and sisters who have been contaminated with these eurocentric notions of skin color . I think with out even seeing what you look like the by your beautiful loveness that you are indeed a beautiful attractive Queen that is sweet intelligent and endearing in spiritual wisdom with your words . Like yourself I was the target of kids making fun of me because I was light skinned ( when I was born I had blue eyes and very fair skin in was born in 1963 at a time when people thought My father was white ( my father is black ) but due to the history slavery in the United States I myself and millions of black people have white and native American Indian blood in our blood line .. That being said ,sorry for the history lesson , America has the same type of problem that Nigeria has had this is not only a conditioned notion created by white people ,but it’s also a status or wealth issue and ” hangup ” that American s and other societies seen to have The “higher” your status is the lighter or eurocentric you should marry or date to be with the status crowd . This is the disease that is so prevalent in this and many other societies.

  7. I wholeheartedly agree with the above ??statement ????. I too am a dark skinned African woman and I cant begin to count the amount of times I was teased and called “African Booty Scratcher” by jealous girls who were uncomfortable with my unique features or people telling me “your beautiful to be dark skinned” making me feel like dark skinned beauty was a rare find …overtime I too have had to develop thick skin!! But we need to have a conversation with African Americans in general because that’s where the biggest unnaceptance comes from.

    • Lulu first of all it”s good to respond to a beautiful African sister like yourself . I am a African male and I am proud of my ancestry . The people who called you those horrible name when you were growing up ought to be ashamed of themselves !!! We are all African whether we were born there or not and as African people we are still subjected to the discriminatory problems . We need to unite and LOVE and RESPECT ourselves and support each other in these trying times that we are living in

  8. I agree with u! We can’t let social media push this narrative into our heads.

    I’m a dark skinned woman, and I get approached everyday by dark skinned, light skinned, brown skinned cuties lol

    Like my ex once told me, “Social media is a game”

    I really don’t take it seriously!

  9. It’s not about black women its about DARK SKIN black women. So the entire article is pointless.. you did not explain the reality that society considers lighter righter and these men are just more attracted to the light that’s the reality because light skin people period are prized in every BLACK country in the world. If Obama was dark he would not be president

    • Aye, Men. lol

    • Nope
      You are wrong in your assessment about this topic conserving dark skinned black people and lighter ones if you read my previous thread it would say that this is not only a color issue but it’s a status symbol mentality created by the greater majority group to subjugate the black community inter thinking that in order to be exceptable to the greater majority Society that if you marry or date light your part of the country club if your rich and if you don’t your not get a system of discrimination and conquest .

  10. Is there a citation for these numbers cuz the census doesn’t collect this data. Does anyone know where the author is getting these figures from?

  11. Here’s the truth. Black men (like all men) don’t like UGLY women, no matter the shade. Now you have to understand something, most black women are dark skin to brown skin. Lightskin women (and men) are rarer among black people period. So there are going to be more ugly darkskin women total than lightskin women because lightskin women are rarer generally. Now, black women unfortunately are more likely to be overweight and have poor diets (only in America, black women still eat well in the rest of the world, and there are less ‘ugly/overweight/ill-nutritioned’ black women in Africa, and the rest of the diaspora) so it may seem that dark skin women get shit on more, but that’s just because there’s more of ya’ll.

    The fact is this, a lot of the black women who are making these excuses talking about black men don’t like black women are really just looking for justification to date white men. That’s it. Its stupid to think black men don’t like dark women, how did your black ass get here if they didn’t?? For centuries your black-as-hell mommas and grandmama’s been gettin’ their backs lovingly blown out by our fathers and grandfathers, why are you so arrogant to believe that your generation is any different? Go to instagram, look at an attractive black woman’s page, any one. And you will find literally THOUSANDS of black men fawning over them. You have to be mildly retarded to think that black men wouldn’t love their own women.

    • I see what you did there….

    • I understand saying that black men and women will date a lighter skinned person because they are some what rare and it’s different. I agree and it’s a complex and quit frankly a slave mentality. But you like what you like. I’ve never dated anyone my shade or darker than me and I have nothing against dating a dark skinned men. Opposites attract I guess. It just happens that way for me. But when you say it’s just more dark skinned black women than lighter skinned black women as an excuse to why dark skinned women are looked at as ugly or not dated as much, that’s a miss for me. In a nutshell you’re saying most if not all light skinned women are more beautiful or attractive than dark skinned women just because it’s more dark skinned women to be ugly. That’s the complex. Not all light skinned or mixed people are beautiful either. Might not have been what you meant but …

      • No, I didn’t express myself correctly if you got that impression. I’m not saying that all lightskin people are attractive. I’m not saying that their being more darkskin women is a valid excuse for perceiving darkskin women as uglier. What I AM saying is this:

        1) We live under white supremacy and they push everything that is light as better (I took this as a given and didn’t state it above)
        2) Because people are not statisticians but flawed individuals, if they see more ugly darkskin women than they do lightskin women (just because there are MORE darkskin women period), then they will ERRONEOUSLY conclude that dark skin women are ‘unattractive’ WHEN they live under the umbrella of 1).

        In other words, left to our own devices, black people would love all black people, light or black it wouldn’t matter, ugly or not. But because we live under 1), we have a psychological foundation that CAN SEEM TO BE VALIDATED by the increasing number of unhealthy, unattractive sisters (in total) that are portrayed in the media (news showing only ‘loud’ women, hood women, while positive media like videos only showing lightskin women).

        Its a facade, its not real. But My argument is that most people are too ignorant to realize that its not real. They don’t realize that just like there are more ugly darkskin women, there are obviously more beautiful darkskin women as well, because there are MORE darkskin women. Its like violence. EVERYONE believes that violence in society is crazy, and off the charts. But in fact its at its lowest levels per capita since statistics began in the 60s. IT IS THE PERCEPTION that matters and that’s what my comment referred to. I’m sorry I didn’t word it properly the first time. And as always, this is just my opinion.

    • Listen this is a great article, you can’t convince someone they are more than what they are. If they never knew that there entire life. When your mother or father don’t say your pretty, no one can tell you that. All positive vibes from this article. Took it as a pep talk, on the topic “cause a man is successful don’t think your looked over.
      Yessssssss

    • This is the dumbest statement ever. ‘Lightskin women are rarer’ what planet do you live on? Totally ignorant and 1000% false.

      • Thanks @Morgan for sensibly addressing the ridiculous fallaciousness spewing from @TruthBeTold.
        It’s HIS statement that actually sounds mildly retarded. Too much nonsense in one post, to even attempt to dissect or dispel. Geez!

      • You don’t realize that there are generally less lightskin women than dark skin women? I live on planet Earth with 1.3 Billion Africans, the majority of whom are darkskinned. Along with the majority of Negritos, Jamaicans, Haitians, etc. etc. Lightskin is a result of less melanin, melanin protects from the sun. Black people are predominantly a tropical people and thus have lots of melanin. Yes you have people like the San who have a lot of lightskinned people, also in Ethiopia. But on the whole dark skinned males and females greatly outnumber lightskinned ones. I can’t believe I’m even having to argue this!

  12. I like it it’s trill

  13. Black women are beautiful no matter what color you are. There are men who like black women no matter if they are brown, light are dark. That what make black women beautiful and exotic. First I see a lot of black men with dark women. These Stars just following what white society says is beautiful is a black women that has white features, and also look at instagram most of these women fit what society says is beautiful light skin or mixed. But, most of them has had plastic surgery, or airbrush themselves making look a little lighter then they are. Also there are a lot of black women who are fit not fat. We are not the only ones walking looking out of shape that what society wants you to think. I admit we need to take better care of ourselves, and check ourselves before we leave home and look and act like the beautiful women we are.

  14. Eleven8, this is a great article for all black women! Great job! I am shocked that people are still being defensive about your post. Clearly they are battling with their personal issues because I get what you’re saying. I grew up in Texas and when when I moved to Portland and Los Angeles, I was one of those bitter black girls that thought most black men in the westcoast date everything but black because that was all I saw for a bit or at least that’s what I notice the most until I grew up and faced my own insecurities. I follow you on IG, my username is @carmengreenofficial.

    • Agreed carmen Green!!! It’s all about confidence & if someone has a preference then so be it….why do people even care about someone’s preference.

      • Ms. Nikki Baby,
        I don’t think it’s about a person’s preference in the narrowed sense of the issue; it is more about the epidemic of Colorism which affects generation after generation within our community, post-slavery. It IS real; and it’s not as simple as we would ALL love for it to be.

    • Far from it. I am a singer. Brown skinned, sometimes called dark skinned (think Gabby Union) and I have NO issues with confidence. The object of much affection, believe me. As I’m sure you are, Queen. 🙂
      HOWEVER, I do think the author is alienating and doing a disservice to her community by ignoring the fact that, petty as though it may be, Colorism is REAL. It’s sad.

  15. Kudos for trying to write a positive article for dark skin black women, but I’m going to agree with the consensus in the comments. What the author did is akin to lil wayne saying there is no racism. Being dark skinned with many light skinned girlfriends it was often painful to see the guys run straight pass me to my light friends which left me wondering what was wrong with me. Or how awkward it was to hear that I was pretty for a dark skinned girl. But thanks to the author of this article I now know that it never really happened and any discrepancies can be attributed to me not holding my crown up… whatever.

    • Something that women like you do not seem to understand is that black people in general have an attraction to lighter people. Black women love light skin/white men, and black men in general love light skin women. Its not because they’re ‘better’, its because they’re rarer. That’s actually not the real reason, but it makes sense. The actual reason is that lightskin people have less melanin in their body, this is a detriment. So, as a ‘service’ darker people tend to like ‘lighter’ people so that they’re ‘grafted back into the fold’ as it were. Lightskin people usually go for darker people (unless they’re white, but its easier to find light-dark black couples than light-light, but dark dark are also easy to find). The fact is, you are internalizing someone else’s preference when in reality they are just trying to uphold the race

      • FALSE!
        Brown brothers are peerless. I’m sorry. I have to throw a flag on that play Brotha.

        • Well, idk. I’m a ‘brown brother’ as it were myself, and I’ve always noticed sisters fiendin’ for lighter guys growing up. I’ve never been jealous of it though, because why should I hate on another man’s game/swag? And that was before I came up with the above crazy theory. To me, you like who you like, but don’t be putting down the rest of your people just because you are self-conscious. Black is beautiful whether you’re light enough to pass, or dark as my-wife-to-be Lupita

    • Well stated ????????

  16. Great article! I enjoyed the read. We as women have to LOVE the skin that we are in, and be more aware of the men that we attract. I have heard dark skinned women say that black men don’t like or approach them because of their skin color. I have also heard men say they don’t date dark skinned women. We cant let this effect the way we view ourselves, or other black men/women. Most men tend to date women that look like the women they love and respect the most (Mom, Grandma,aunt,etc). And we as women tend to date Men that resemble who we love and respect the most (Dad, Uncle, grandpa, etc.).

    Honestly, if we take a deeper look into this conversation…black men would possibly say that black women seem to prefer not to date them, but that’s a totally different article ?.

    Keep up the great work!

  17. Confidence comes from within. Men are attracted to women with a style that is unique to her, a radiance, confidence and something extraordinary. I love my smooth ebony brown complexion. I think it’s sexy and I’m not for all men to possess, I’m for the right man to love, adore and cherish. Do you really want a man who wants to be with you because you are dark or light or white? you are more than just your skin tone. If all you have going for you is how light or dark you are, a therapist is in order. Please stop projecting your insecurity and making this a “woe is me” for all dark skinned women. I’ve never had a problem pulling men. It was my confidence or lack thereof that determined where the relationship went.

  18. Darkskin women don’t even support other darkskin women, so why should black men?

  19. This is pure trash. FILTH.

  20. MsFactCheckEsquire

    This article wasn’t that helpful or informative. Further, just because 90% of black guys are marrying black women doesn’t mean that black women are getting married more. 90% of the black guys who are straight and actually decide to marry, marry black women. This number is not large as there are fewer men than women and even fewer men in the marrying category. So, assuming these number are true (citation? Source?) that doesn’t debunk the theory that black women aren’t getting married, it just shows that a few probably are.

  21. I agree with most of the comments on this article. Yes black men date darksin black women but you have to be blind to think that colorism doesn’t influence our choice in mate.
    When you see a black couple, most of the time, the man is darkskin and the woman is lightskin. And it seems like this is the prototype to follow in black relationship.

  22. Com on boop…. come on. 99% of black men want a HIGH YELLOW BLACK WOMAN. If she aint a high yellow black woman, then they cross the racial lines and get a white girl or Hispanic. There are simply not enough light skinned black women on the planet, but I can almost assure you that 99% of them WILL be taken by a black man if she as an ounce of looks to her. I remember back when the racial barrier lines were not crossed. Meaning, everyone date their own race. I don’t know when the line was erased, black men have really gone hog wild now. I was speaking on this topic not long ago, and if there are any church going folks on this blog, take a look at the Bishops and Pastors in the church… what skin one are the MAJORITY of their wives? I’ll wait. Times up: HIGH YELLOW. While I totally get the article here.. the reality is WAY off. Every African American celebrity male has a high yellow wife…. It is what it is.. AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN want high yellow women! The truth is the truth all day.

  23. Unapologetically A Swirler

    I’ve heard a PLETHORA of American Black Dudes or shall I say, Western Black Dudes have and admitted out right, “A red/yellow bone” with/out a phat ass is niggas weakness. I’ve noticed American Black Women don’t get judged often by Foreign BLACK MEN from the Eastern Hemisphere. If they like what they see or really love our aura and energy, they won’t judge based off of skin tones. I will say, that American White Men tend to treat me way better than the majority of American Black Dudes could EVER comprehend on how to treat a woman. Many American Black Women literally has seen all of our lives more hatred for us than love. Especially us mid 80’s babies growing up in the 90’s due to the drug era. Many of us are in our early 30’s and last stages of the 20’s and guess what? We’re NO longer waiting on sorry ass color-strucked, self hating, self loathing, disrespectful, ungreatful black mules I meant, Black Men who give us their ass to kiss all because of skin tones and colors. Thank god I opted to expand my choices in the dating pull and PERMANENTLY ex out Black Dudes. Dating has been a success ever since.

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