Now that I’ve got your attention, I’d like to dedicate this blog to my Black Women, specifically dark skin black women. If you choose to read beyond the title, I commend you. You’re smart. I like that. If you choose to stop at the title and get angry because you didn’t want to catch the context of this entire blog, I feel sorry that you’ll miss some wise gems below.
Now let’s move on to the matter at hand, the relationship between the black woman and the black man: Is it broken? The short answer: Not as much as we are lead to believe. So black women, dark skin black women, this is where we need to have a chat and discuss what WE are doing wrong. Follow me…
Dark skin black women, we have got to stop adopting the theory that black men do not date black women, and if they do, they don’t date dark skinned women. This is a complete lie made up by people who want nothing more than for you to feel less worthy of love. No, celebrity men are not dating “others” more than they are dating and marrying black women. This is a false narrative that as a community, we should stop entertaining. You see, when we believe these memes, we are reinforcing that black women are not desirable. We are passing that on to other black women in our lives, including our daughters. It’s a lie and I’ll prove it.
In 2010, the US Census Bureau reported that nearly 90% of Black men had Black wives. This number is still in the high 80’s and debunks all of those lies that black men are not marrying black women. It also debunks the lies that black women are not getting married. So, with this information readily available to us, why are we quickly believing that black men don’t want us?
Over the past week, I have seen the photos above tweeted and retweeted by black women who believe that black men, celebrity black men included, are choosing to date/marry non-black or light skin. However, the photo above also neglects to show you a few things. 1) These black men have all dated/married dark skinned women in the past. Some of them have children with a beautiful brown woman. Just because you date a mixed woman, it does not erase the love you had for a black woman and you shouldn’t even entertain that thought. 2) The women above identify as black and heavily represent their black/African roots. You should not assume because they are lighter in hue that they are ANY less black than you. Who are you to determine someone else’s blackness? If we stopped fighting against each other, we could see the bigger picture: as a whole we are winning! We are beautiful in all shades and women straight from Africa can be light, dark, mixed or otherwise. We are still goddesses and should treat each other as such.
I find that women who subscribe to the mentality that black women aren’t wanted, feel this way out of insecurity. It’s unfair to project your insecurity on to other women. Not every dark skinned woman struggles with dating. In fact, I know several who could have their pick of any man they wanted. If you find that you’re having trouble getting men to notice you, it may not be your skin, it’s your lack of confidence. You see, insecurity has a look, a touch and a smell. A suitor can tell just by looking at you that you don’t feel worthy for their attention. They’ll either completely bypass you, or get with you and use you to their advantage. A true queen holds her head up so that her crown doesn’t fall. This means that no matter who you’re in a room with, you must present yourself in a manner that shows that you believe that you are worthy of respect, love and admiration. Nothing less. With this mentality, you will be beating men off with a stick. Even women society would lead you to believe are “unattractive” are able to attract men because of their confidence and attitude.
Yes, black women have been teased as children. Yes, some black men get on social media and belittle black women, making us feel that we are undesirable. We shouldn’t feed the trolls. We are adults and there is a life outside of Twitter and Instagram. Beautiful black women are getting engaged and married daily, and they look just like you and I. Beautiful black women are marrying celebrity men. For every famous man who married a non-black woman, I can name a successful man who married a black one. Lebron James, Dwyane Wade, Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul, Denzel Washington, Courtney B. Vance, Barack Obama, are all married to black women. Kelly Rowland is happily married and lord knows Serena Williams, Lupita N’yongo and Naomi Campbell have no problem getting a man. So who says black women are undesirable?
Lastly ladies, stop making up fake facts and statistics about celebrity men and their dating lifestyle if you will never find yourself dating a celebrity man. Even IF celebrity men chose to date only a certain type of woman, that should mean nothing to you if you don’t run in celebrity circles. A lot of you don’t even go outside, where do you suppose you’re going to meet a Baller? In your kitchen? Devoting energy to men you don’t want, won’t date or will never meet, is a waste of time.
This long winded post serves as a reality check to my dark skinned women. I want you to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you. Stop letting memes tell you that you have to look a certain way or be a certain way to attract a man. Be yourself and love yourself. A man worthy of you will find you, I promise.