The old adage : “It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks” rings true more and more as I progress with age. As a society and culture we have grown, but our inferiority complex seems to hinder us, in particularly with colorism and social media as a tool used to propagate it. Yes colorism affects most , if not all, cultures that has melanin as a genetic trait, but I’m not talking about them. I am talking about the culture that birth and raised us; the society that seems to dictate the fashion in which we respond.
My interactions have been limited as I choose to not let someone’s preference and ignorance define me, but my approach is often the road less traveled. We look to individuals that have no direct bearing on our life to define and validate us. If an athlete or entertainer decides that he wants to date outside of his race or at the very least, a black woman that isn’t “visibly” black, diatribes are written to address the perceived atrocity committed against black women. “They get on and get everything, but a black woman and it was a black woman that raised them.”
My problem with that isn’t necessarily the statement, but its implications. We are assuming that a) a black woman raised him and he had a positive experience with said maternal figure, b) his obligation to said black woman should extend into his personal choice for his life and c) black women are losing out by not having this man’s admiration. I may not speak for all black women, but trust me, I am not losing sleep over a random that isn’t catching the mortgage payment. There are so many other factors that go into relationship stability that are more important than levels of melanin within someone and being raised by a black mother. Love and compatibility are two major factors that seem to go unnoticed.
The sad reality is that yes that are men that are truly ignorant enough to discredit the women of their race, but the true question is do we [women] want them? If the man is an intellectual and cultural travesty, aren’t we as “visibly” black women ahead of the curve because we don’t fit his preference? What are we gaining from his skewed perception? On one hand we say these women wouldn’t date these men if it wasn’t for money, but is that not why some women are upset? This dude with an economical strength decided to build with a non “visibly” black woman. That’s one less “visibly” black woman enjoying the benefits of luxury. ( Random Thought: when an athlete/entertainer does date what is perceived as a “regular sistah”, rude comments are made).
The truth of the matter is that majority of the men that get women in an uproar aren’t the most attractive. So why are women getting upset about the preference of aesthetically misfortunates? The real concern is would you date him had he not been wealthy? Would player XYZ of Team ABC be on your radar if he had been a teacher or cop? These are two very needed and respectable jobs, but the checks aren’t as magnificent as sports and entertainment money.
Is colorism a reminder that darker skin women are struggling to fit the ideal standard of beauty? Yes, but society doesn’t instill those values of self- love, the familial structure does. If we look to others who could care less about us to validate us, aren’t we seeking our sanity from those who are insane? That is like the blind leading the blind.
I’m not saying my logic is correct. I am only saying that we need to think beyond what social media presents us.