“I was your lover and your secretary, working every day of the week. Was at the job when no one else was there, helping you get on your feet”. Y’all forgot the lyrics to “Not Gon Cry” and the storyline of the movie, “Waiting To Exhale”? Didn’t Auntie Mary’s song teach us this lesson already, ladies? You are not required to be anything for anyone that you haven’t even mastered doing for yourself. Worrying and listening to memes about what you need to “be” for someone else…Nah sis, be your own peace. Only then will you attract the kind of love that doesn’t require you to suffer through and endure.
Bad relationship advice comes a dime a dozen, “Be his peace,” “don’t nag,” “make him feel like a man” etc. Everyone seems to be an expert on what you should and shouldn’t do, yet many, and most of us have learned through time and heartache that the best things you can do for any relationship rarely has anything to do with following these cliches.
For men and women alike, there’s no external qualifications that make you exempt from relationship trouble. Contrary to popular belief, finding love and having successful relationships is not determined by whether or not you look good, how nice of a person you are, how much of a freak you may be or how much money you have. At face value, you may desire some or all of these things, but none of these qualities become the most important when you’ve fallen from cloud 9, and the real work of a relationship begins.
You can be his peace, you can be her provider, y’all can try to be everything under the sun for the each other, and it will be pointless if you haven’t learned to love yourself first. This doesn’t mean love yourself in an arrogant, narcissistic or isolating way. It means figure out who you are authentically, pursue your own interests, find your voice, secure your finances, heal your traumas and be the best version of yourself. The people who have mastered the art of self-love don’t worry about cliches because they only attract and entertain healthy interactions with the people they allow in their lives.