We could theorize about what has caused the increase in broken black families in recent years, but one fact remains that children are almost always at the center of the divide. Every child deserves to be raised up by a loving mother and father and all too often, parents lose sight of that because they are more emotionally driven by their failed romantic relationship. Breakups can, directly and indirectly, affect the children created or involved with the relationship between the parents and at the end of the day, grown-up problems should not bear a burden on kids. No matter how bad things may be between the mother and father, the children shouldn’t feel as much as a hiccup when it comes to their individual relationships with their parents.
Two of the most common ways failed romantic relationships affect children is when parents project their negative energy onto the kids by talking bad about the other parent in front of or to the child and by making irrational accusations and/or threats that could negatively impact the other parent’s livelihood or freedom. Those toxic behaviors are damaging to any child and forcefully draws a wedge between them and the parent they once adored. Emotions vary and you can’t tug of war your child’s feelings for someone based on when you’re hot vs cold with them yourself. That’s madd manipulative and will draw even more questions from your child once they get older and begin to understand relationships themselves. Don’t be that parent that gets confronted on Maury 20 years later.
Even if the home is not broken, but a time comes when arguments are more frequent and things are a little shaky in the relationship; those arguments should never be done or discussed in front of your kids. That’s none of their business! When a child comes out to breakfast and sees Mommy sad or hears Mommy cursing, they immediately go into “defend mommy” mode and now a line has been drawn. Just that fast. Imagine that back and forth of emotion from a child regularly. Imagine what kind of resentment or anger they would feel towards the person who “makes mommy sad”. Well, first of all, your child shouldn’t see Mommy in that much anguish and on the rare occasion that they do, Mommy should make sure that she doesn’t place blame on anyone because adult issues are simply that…adult issues. Why tell your child a problem that they can’t help you solve? They are your kids, not your homegirls, not your coworkers, not your therapist. They’re children.
Another thing, don’t even dare switch up your behaviors or care towards your children because your “baby mama/daddy ain’t acting right”. How ghetto! What happens between you and your child’s other parent shouldn’t affect them being cared for or loved unconditionally. And again, never should you place blame on the other parent to your kids. Say what you want behind closed doors but allow the relationship your child has with that other person to flourish as natural as it can with NO interference from you, your friends, or family members. As long as the child is in NO harm, of course.
We may not be able to help falling out of love sometimes, but our children need to learn through positive images of love so that they can spread the same positive images to their kids. Your drama is none of the kid’s damn business!