Kobe Bryant Isn’t Selfish, He Is Smart: Charity Isn’t Obligatory -blogged by @niksofly

And if you think any differently after reading the letter he penned to himself in the Players’ Tribune, you are part of the problem of individuals that exploit others’ success.  I’ll preface my thoughts with this,  I am a firm believer in charity and helping others out.  My belief in charity doesn’t negate the truth in the wisdom Kobe Bryant gave to his younger self.

The “ invest, don’t give” advice is only selfish to those that feel successful individuals are obligated in the continual support of adults.  It is with a one- track mind that this old age proverb (modernly paraphrased) is misconstrued. If a man gives his brother fish, his brother eats for a day; but if a man teaches his brother how to fish, his brother eats for life  (said some great mind waaaaaaaay before I was born).  This is what Bryant is referring to when he penned “invest, not give”.  Yes Bryant can afford, and has given money relentlessly, but his gifts and charity created dependencies.  After the money has been spent what happens next?  The recipient seeks more money , creating a vicious cycle that as he noted in his letter creates resentment on both parts. He was simply giving his brothers fish.

He advised his younger self to teach his brothers how to fish. “Invest in their future, don’t just give. Use your success, wealth and influence to put them in the best position to realize their own dreams and find their true purpose. Put them through school, set them up with job interviews and help them become leaders in their own right. Hold them to the same level of hard work and dedication that it took for you to get to where you are now, and where you will eventually go. (Kobe)”  If Bryant invests in their education and uses his network to put them in the position to be successful, when these individuals spend money, there will be a flow of revenue (that the individuals created) that can continue to sustain them.  I don’t see how this could be viewed as selfish. He is funding their betterment. (Think about it ). A better question is what would happen if God forbid, something had happened to Bryant? Creating dependency would have left adults that could not help themselves, thus putting them in a worse position than not giving to them or funding their betterment would. As an adult, nothing feels better to me than making my own money.  I know that my parents will give me anything I need or want in my adult age, but it is omething about the direct deposit hitting my account that assures me that I’ll be OK regardless if my parents decide to never help me in life again. Being financially independent teaches you how to respect money and its purpose. And as fact has it, people are more cautious with the money they work for than the money they are given.

I believe what disturbed more was the backlash given in regards to Bryant’s advice involving his parents. “The most important advice I can give to you is to make sure your parents remain PARENTS and not managers.Before you sign that first contract, figure out the right budget for your parents — one that will allow them to live beautifully while also growing your business and setting people up for long-term success (Kobe).”  This statement was met with so much criticism. The reoccurring theme was that “Parents are obligated to take care of kids. Kids are obligated to take care of parents”. Uhm, No. Kids are not obligated. Now I respect those kids that do help their parents, but to make it obligatory is a bit much. Kids do not have a choice in being born. 9 times out of 10, the parents were “doing themselves some good” and  it resulted in a pregnancy. Once the mother brought the pregnancy to term, it was the responsibility of the parents to care for the kid. You don’t get to cash in chips for DOING WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO DO. Nor is it an investment for a later return. What would happen if your kid was not successful? You’d find another way to survive. I look after my parents especially my mother. I’m not obligated to do that. My mother always tells me she appreciates what I do because I don’t have to. I think it is this flawed understanding of entitlement that result in many athletes leaving the leagues and going broke.  Why is it acceptable to put that type of responsibility on a kid especially a child?  My job as an aunt and future parent is to get my responsibilities from point A to point B, preparing them to be responsible law abiding citizens. Their job or obligation to me is to instill the same values and grow another generation of great individuals. That is it. Will I appreciate it if my nieces, nephews and/or kids do nice things for me? Of course, but I’m not expecting them to do so. I am responsible for myself. I provide the quality of life that I feel I deserve.

We live in a culture where individuals are concerned with looking successful opposed to being successful. These same people expect that because you become successful, you owe it to everyone to give and give relentlessly so that they may look as successful as you.  The only person or people you are obligated to take care of are your kids and spouse. Everyone else is optional.  I’m all for charity as I have stated before, but a choice should never be an obligation.  This includes taking care of your parents.  When charity becomes obligation, it becomes a problem. You are exploiting the success and kindness of others. I believe the total beauty of Kobe’s letter was missed when individuals focused on random points instead of the entire letter. How would the comments change if the note to self ended with Bryant being another retirement statistic?

I do not ‘stan’ for celebrities because they can speak for themselves. It is the entitlement issue that bothers me. It is the “What are they doing for the community” “She is suppose to do that”,  “You are obligated”, that concerns me.

 -Niko Rose