Lamar Odom Opens Up About His Marriage To Khloe Kardashian In New Memoir; Talks His Regrets and Her Unconditional Love: “Her Love For Me Must Have Been Unconditional”

Years before the Tristan Thompson cheating scandals rocked Khloe Kardashian’s world; the youngest Kardashian sister was immersed in the love of another NBA baller, Lamar Odom. But, despite the couple’s overwhelming love, which was displayed on the widely popular “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” spin-off series, “Khloe and Lamar,” Odom’s infidelities and secret cocaine addiction ultimately ruined their happy home. 

In his new memoir ‘Darkness to Light,” Odom opened up about his four-year marriage to Khloe and revealed the truth about their split, writing he wished he “could have been more of a man” in excerpts obtained by PEOPLE. Elsewhere in the book, he also admitted to his infidelities and spoke on his battles with cocaine addiction throughout their relationship. 

“It still bothers me to this day,” Odom wrote. “But regret is something we have to learn to live with.” 

The two jumped the broom in 2009, just one month after their initial meeting, but according to Odom, things were all good in the beginning. “For a while, being with her was bliss, and I was the happiest I’ve ever been. We were one of the most famous couples in Hollywood, and we made more money together than we had individually.” 

However, ultimately, Odom’s addiction to sex and drugs ruined their happy home. 

“At the start of our marriage I was faithful to her,” Odom said, but eventually, his addictions took over. “I could not handle the lethal cocktail of spotlight, addiction, a diminishing career, and infidelity. Oh, did I mention the paranoia, anxiety, depression….i couldn’t keep my d*ck in my pants or the coke out of my nose. Drug addicts are incredibly skilled at hiding their habit. I’d get defensive, and Khloe would just drop it.” 

Although the two separated, Khloe’s loving heart and nature wouldn’t let her turn her back on the man she once loved. So, when Odom suffered a near-fatal overdose in 2015, the 34-year-old rushed to his bedside. 

“I remember waking up and her showing me pictures of my mother,” Odom revealed to People, of his mother who died from cancer when he was 12. “I was surprised on how quick she was to show her devotion to me.” 

“Her love for me must have been unconditional,” he continued. “That’s the only thing [i think] that gave her the strength to still love me at that time.” 

Although the two officially divorced in 2016, now three years later and drug-free, Odom hopes the two can still have a relationship. “I hope we can be friends,” the former baller said. “I miss the family. And I hope we can all be reacquainted one day.”