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No one really wants to hear the words “I’m not ready for a relationship”. It’s ego crushing, especially if you thought that you and the person you talk to were headed down that direction.
There could be a plethora of reasons why your individual isn’t ready for commitment. Maybe he/she is fresh out of a relationship. The person could be working on themselves or on their business. They could possibly be getting right with their spirituality or in most cases- simply bullshitting you.
The only way you will know the real reason for why your significant other isn’t ready to go to the next level is through communication and an unbiased evaluation of your situation. However, more than likely if you’re reading this, you are realizing the latter- your person is bullshitting you.
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It’s perfectly acceptable for someone to not be ready for a relationship, however the problem arises when the said person wants the benefits of a relationship without the commitment.
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“I’m not 100% ready”, “It’s not you, it’s me”, “We’re in a good place”, “What’s the rush?”… all lead down the same path… This person is bullshitting you. How do you know? Look at the parameters of a relationship. What do you typically do in a relationship? Look at your situation. What’s going on in it? Does it resemble a relationship? There goes your answer.
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I cannot speak for men, but I can imagine it’s the same. We as women become the men we want to date (that’s a different conversation) and/or we get into this role. We show our entire hand in hopes this person selects us. We encourage, we make sure our “men” are good on all fronts, bending over backwards for them. We cook , become faithful to a non-existent relationship, spend majority of our time with this individual, become vested in their future, meet the family , immediate and extended, give them sex on demand only to be reminded at any course of a disagreement- it’s not a relationship ( I’m honest enough to say I’ve been there minus a few items from the aforementioned list).
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And they’re right… it isn’t a relationship. However when you inquire about one, you’re fed excuses. This person isn’t ready for a relationship, yet you’re playing “relationship”.
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These are just my thoughts; I could be right (or wrong), but more than likely, he or she doesn’t want you. This person likes/loves the access of you- the convenience and ease you bring. The reason he/she doesn’t want to commit is because their hands are in baskets else where. And let’s face it, you’re giving them the benefits of a relationship so why would they volunteer for structure and guidelines.
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If they make a “mistake” or mess up, you can’t get mad or demand anything because , guess what, you aren’t in a relationship. Listen to me: The person you are with wants to play the field and see what else the world has to offer. And if something isn’t better out there, then they will “settle” for you. That’s about as cut and as dry as I can get. You’re an option. You can either remove yourself from the situation or patiently wait your turn while he or she decides if there is anything else out there worth having. And if there is, well you can imagine what will happen to you.
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Suck up your pride and admit you made a shitty mistake. Hopefully the next person will be better for you.
Translations – I like you enough to smash but I don’t want to be with you. So lets just keep it like this, so I can have my cake & eat it too while I waste your time.