Home / Relationships / “It’s Not Me, It’s You”: Are Women Incapable of Taking Responsibility For A Failed Relationship?

“It’s Not Me, It’s You”: Are Women Incapable of Taking Responsibility For A Failed Relationship?

blogged by @peachkyss and @msjennyb

There has been a meme floating around stating “Never heard a female say ‘I had a good n*gga but I f*cked up.” Of course, my first reaction was “What f*ckboy wrote this foolishness?”


It’s not that women are incapable of acknowledging their wrongdoing, at times we don’t realize that we are doing anything wrong. Then on the other hand, we have some situations that we prefer to keep to ourselves because we know that men can’t handle a woman’s truth. I believe we, as women, can be very honest if we were to do something wrong but because men think everything we do is from an emotional state, we know they wouldn’t be able to handle it and some times vice versa. 


As a woman, it’s easy to shift the blame or pass the buck in a relationship, especially if you’ve been hurt before. Many women use relationships to heal, under the pretense that “the best way to get over a bad breakup is to get under someone else.” As a result, they tend to channel the hurt they felt in their previous relationship and funnel it into their new relationship, ruining it before it even began.


But, still, when she reflects on the relationship with her friends, the mantra remains, “N*ggas ain’t shit.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Why is that? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

The answer is simple. Regardless of whether or not a woman pushes a “good man” away or ruins a relationship over her own insecurities, there will always be that one man that made her that way. The woman that was once a bundle of joy or a breath of fresh air, is now an angry, bitter Betty, who hates the woman she’s become. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

So, how does this woman heal her heart? Love herself, first. When you realize your worth, you’ll be able to choose wisely when it comes to the men you date. You’ll only gravitate toward the men that are worthy of your presence, that won’t take your love for granted. Although things may not always work out, you have an easier time separating yourself from someone you once loved because you have the love within yourself to sustain you.


In the meantime, take what you’ve learned from your previous relationship and apply it to the next. All relationships aren’t the same and if we go in with a different mindset, we will come out with a different ending. 

About Peachkyss

IPeachkyss is the Fashion Writer and Content Curator for Baller Alert, who keeps reader up-to-date on the latest trends, the latest luxury brand collections, and how to "ball" on a budget.  Peachkyss has her Bachelors in Elementary Education with a concentration in Mathematics from Norfolk State University and Masters in Middle Grades Mathematics from Walden University.  Have a question about what your favorite celeb is wearing or fashion advice, email me at [email protected] "Style is a way to say who are you are without having to speak."

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  1. Bullshit. Still blaming dudes. What are you puppets. Foh.

  2. This piece right here is so true and should be a wake up call to some females! I know I have been hurt and due to that fact I have pushed a couple of good men away before things got to be too serious. I had not moved pasted that pain and punished them for his wrong doings.
    Getting under the next man to get over the Ex-man is only a temporary fix for a bigger problem. If you’re going to do this make sure it’s not someone who is trying to date you or you want to date.
    More women need to learn how to heal more before starting another relationship. If you had a kid(s) with the man that hurt you then you could focus your energy on the child(ren) and that is has NO bad side effects!!! Only good can come from that!!!
    If no kid(s) then try finding yourself. Do you really know who you are? Try developing as a person. So when the next man ask you what do you like to do you have more to say in response besides “I like to eat” or some simple one liner.
    I find it sad that so many women would rather be unhappy in a relationship than try to be happy alone!

  3. I disagree. I don’t see what previous bad relationship has anything to do with incapability of taking the blame in a failed relationship.

    I believe all us female can relate to that one man that ruined us and jumped in another relationship to forget about the previous one and as i can only speak for myself, because ive been hurt b4 and havent 100% healed from it yet doesnt mean that i am incapable of taking the blame i know if i ever f*cked up.

    Truth is we have too much of a high expectations towards our partner at times so when our partner doesnt meet our expectations we would get disappointed and blame them for not being perfect and because of that, the relationship fails.

  4. Women have always taken responsibility. Women are the “bigger person”

  5. I dunno, it’s a difficult one – often the end of a relationship can be no one’s fault, or both. Or sometimes it is just one persons, but I don’t think it is about always blaming the dude or always blaming the girl. Maybe us ladies need to realise more that is is our fault sometimes. It’s definitely not the case that all guys are bad, it’s not as simple as that. Dudes are all the same.

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