Ballerific Relationships: How to Take Charge of Your Dating Life – blogged by: @proudlylauren

I don’t know about you, but when dating a guy, I always seem to arrive at a point of utter confusion. Maneuvering through the maze of social dating rules laid out by popular magazines, television, and the media: on when to text back, who calls who first, what to say, what not to say, gets exhausting. And the people who do follow these rules to the tee, lose themselves pretending to be the perfect person.

I recently met a guy that I’m extremely interested in, and after one week of hanging out, I find myself taking ten minutes to send one text message, and reading way too deep into everything. It wasn’t until I found myself reading a popular magazine, circling different dating rules and actually strategizing on how to be the perfect date, that I suddenly had an epiphany, an AH-HA moment: Who said any set of rules are the surefire way to successfully date? No one! Don’t leave your fait to magazines, instead keep these simple fundamentals in mind, for a stress-free, genuine, “no-rules” way to dating:

Don’t Make Assumptions: The worst thing you can do when trying to build with someone, is assume you know ANYTHING. After all, you just met him: “He didn’t text back? Must be with a girl!” “Wasn’t available to hangout? Must not like me anymore!” WRONG. He very much could have not texted you back, because he planned on calling  you later when he wasn’t busy; Furthermore he couldn’t hang out because he really does have to wake up for work in the morning and actually cares about his job. Instead of making assumptions, and wasting time and emotions, use your words like adults and communicate. If you are unclear about something, ask, if you want to know something, ask; give them the opportunity to be themselves, without competing with your preconceived assumptions.

Remember He Doesn’t Belong to You: I think this is the hardest one, at least it is for me. Once I begin dating someone, I like to think that I am the only person they are dating. It’s a self-inflated way of thinking: to assume (making assumptions smh) that I’m so awesome, he couldn’t possibly want to see someone else. Now even though you and I are really awesome, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t other women. Besides, it’s hard for men in relationships to be a one woman man, a single man is definitely not limiting himself. But that’s ok, that’s the joy of dating before commitment, testing the waters; because of his experience and exposure to other women, if you are right for him, he will undoubtedly know.

Talk About Expectations: Another major issue when dating, is when we feel let down because he doesn’t amount to our lifelong fantasy of the perfect man. We expect him to live up to a certain standard, without any explanation of the standards; which, is like playing a game with no instructions, how the hell are you supposed to win?  Let him know what you expect in the beginning, and ask him what he expects of you: if you expect him to be romantic and treat you like a princess, let him know that.

Do Whatever Makes you Happy: This section goes back to the ten minutes it took me to text a simple reply. Instead of wasting time doubting myself, I should’ve just sent exactly what I wanted. We get so caught up on trying to say the right thing, do the right thing, and live within guidelines, we confuse ourselves, and take the fun out of everything. Stop thinking so much, enjoy dating and be yourself; anyone who gets offended by you being you, isn’t meant for you anyway. If you want to double text him, go ahead, there is no texting police to stop you. If you want to have sex with him, be safe, but go ahead, no one’s judging you.

Once you eliminate all the time and stress you put into being the perfect person, you can focus on building and sincerely getting to know someone. With an open mind, open heart, and open communication, letting go of those pesky rules, should be a breeze. I would love to hear from you all, so please share anymore fundamentals that you think should be added! And if you want to share any annoying dating rules you’ve read about, share that also, so we can kick them to the curb together.  Happy Dating!