Ballerific Relationships – Why You Shouldn’t Confront the Other Woman – blogged by: @proudlylauren

You found out about your man’s side dealings, more specifically his side hoe, and you’re on a road to destruction, understandably so. You confront him, kick him out, seek revenge, or whatever your destruction entails. After the dust settles, and you still have a slither of sanity left, your mind inevitably settles on this other woman. The woman who had the nerve to distract your man away from the apple of his eye, the woman who robbed your happy home. I know you want to rip into her and make her feel at least ¼ of the pain you feel, or maybe you want to compare notes, and get all the details of the affair; but before you go connecting the dots, consider why that may not be the best idea…

It’s His Fault

I absolutely mean to state the obvious here; who’s responsible for betraying you her or him? Who had a commitment to you, her or him? Him. She, even though likely knows about you, has zero obligation to be loyal to you, or your relationship; she likes him too and technically has her own relationship with him that she’d rather defend. It’s your man’s job to honor his commitment, if he doesn’t, side hoe’s will be just one of the products of his dishonor.

Will It Really Make You Feel Better?

You call her and cuss her clean out, I mean you use every insult you can get out of your mouth, just shy of calling her mama a b*tch (or maybe you go there). At the end of it all you’re left with a head ache, raspy voice, and still the unfaithful man who started it all. Furthermore, do you honestly believe that you scared this other woman away from your man with slanderous names she’s probably heard before, (especially if she’s typically in the business of meddling with what’s not hers)? Ultimately, you gain nothing more than a waste of your time and a spot in her “recent’s” next to your man’s name.

Let’s say you want to play inspector gadget instead and reach out to compare notes about him: She confirms that the Tuesday he disappeared, he was really with her; and the Saturday that his phone died, he was with her too. She proved what you already suspected, now how does that make you feel? Validated? Like @sodraya said, validation is for parking not people. It’s not as if hearing the details of his secret where-abouts, will bring you a sigh of relief. The pain is still there, and adding details to the already painful image, is counterproductive in the healing process.

It’s Not Going To Change Anything

Regardless if you confront her, your man was unfaithful to you, and ultimately that’s who you have to deal with. You speaking with her doesn’t undo his actions, nor assure that it won’t continue to happen. What good is it to expend your already depleted energy playing the blame game, or pointing the finger?  

Everyone has their own approach to handling infidelity, especially in the heat of rage; I know I personally have not always taken the higher road which is why I don’t believe it’s the best idea to confront her. But I want to hear what you all think. Share your stories, experiences, and whether you believe in confronting, or leaving well enough alone.