No Means No Even If It’s Your Spouse : Blogged by@niksofly

“You’re talking about the frontrunner for the GOP, presidential candidate, as well as a private individual who never raped anybody. And, of course, understand that by the very definition, you can’t rape your spouse.” These are the exact words of Michael Cohen, the special counsel at The Trump Organization. At first hearing, Cohen’s words seem true. How can you rape your spouse?  There is this clause that is understood that a man should have an absolute sexual right to his spouse’s body. I believe it is possibly an extension of the vows couples take; or perhaps the idea that the two become as one. If we think about it at the visceral level, a woman is expected to submit to her husband. These ideas, rather implicitly or explicitly expressed are the fundamental basis of whether a husband can rape his wife or not.  In order for us to understand this, we must define the boundaries of this implication.

I polled 100 people over the last few days. I asked the following questions: Does a spouse have an absolute sexual right to his/her spouse’s body? Does a spouse require consent to engage in sexual activity with his/her spouse? Can a spouse rape his/her spouse? Can someone who has previously engaged in consensual sexual activity with an individual, later rape that individual? Does a spouse have absolute domain over his/her spouse? Can a spouse commit domestic abuse against his/her spouse?  The results were incredibly skewed. On one hand, a whopping 41% of individuals believed that a spouse has absolute domain over his/her spouse. All participants believed the spouse could commit domestic abuse. However, the results regarding sexual domain and the idea of rape garnered mixed reactions. To begin with only 35% of those surveyed believed a spouse could commit rape against his/her spouse. With regards to absolute sexual domain, the percentage skyrocketed to 68%. The most interesting piece of the survey was that half of the participants felt that once consent was given at some point, rape could not take place.

37 years earlier, Orgeon v. Rideout (1978) questioned the ability to commit rape within a marriage. How can a man commit first-degree rape against his wife, someone who he has had multiple sexual encounters with?  Rideout was found not guilty, but this  modern day example of marital exemption is the basis of rape culture. In it’s simplest form rape is a defined as forcible sexual relations with a person against that person’s will. Whether you are married or not, once an individual expresses the wish to not engage in or participate in sexual activity, it is considered rape. This disconnect comes into play with regards of sexuality.   We value the individual, but not necessarily the body or sexual organ. I read a response that stated, “You can not take what is yours”. In a sense when you wed, you “belong” to your spouse and vice versa, but “belong” is the operative word. If we think about it, each individual is responsible for his/her body. I , for a lack of better term, own my vagina. It belongs to me. I have absolute domain over it. When I wed, I am sharing my vagina with my husband. I may give him free range and all access, however that is granted with my permission.  The moment I decide that I am not in the mood or do not feel to participate, I have the right to withdraw that access. Husband or not, submission doesn’t mean absolute dominance. If my husband does not have absolute domain over my body, how can he have absolute sexual domain. One relies on the other. How can individuals recognize domestic abuse, but neglect to recognize abuse in the sexual nature? Have we become that carnal, that sex isn’t of value anymore?

Cohen has since cleaned up his statement, however the barbaric nature of his implications is exactly why the early 90’s were pivotal years in marital exemption as it relates to rape. It is still in some context seen as a “lesser” form of rape, but it should not be considered that way. Guilt. Shame. Violation. Disgust. Weak. These are feelings victims of rape feel no matter who assaults them. Their pain isn’t any lesser, then why is the charge? No means no even if it’s your spouse.

-Niko Rose

Disclaimer: I know there are limitations to my brief study.

To my BA colleague: Thank You for your input.