The Love Contract..Would You Do It?

Remember a few weeks ago when Diddy (or Puffy as I still refer to him as, considering I grew up in the shiny suit era) had the world buzzing when he announced he didn’t feel ready for marriage. Well, there’s no surprise there.  Seriously, ask any single woman, baby mama or side chick how many men they’ve met that’s dying to tie the knot. The shocker though, comes from what appears to be something that he has pondered long and hard in that business savvy brain of his.

While he openly confesses that he isn’t ready for marriage, he suggests a viable alternative that may not be so crazy once you think about it a little, a “love contract”. I’ll admit it’s a bit of a head scratcher. It never ceases to amaze me the depths some men will go to dodge the bullet of a life-long, monogamous relationship, however, before you dismiss this as a joke; ask yourself, if you are one of the many women in a long term relationship what are you really benefiting from being a forever girlfriend? I’ll wait..

I haven’t seen an in depth article that goes into the terms of Diddy’s “love contract,” but I see women do this every day. Hell, I’ve even been one of them. It’s a familiar story: Girl meets boy. Boy is great, seems like he is different. Boy promises forever. Girl plans for the future. They move in together, make a baby and then boy goes all the way left. Girl stays up at night crying,  trying to get into locked phones and such but year after year still makes up excuses and new plans to ride that situationship till the wheels fall off. Don’t act like you haven’t fallen for the okie doke at least once in your life; it happens to the best of us.

Now picture this: a contractual agreement where this man is professing his undying love for you on paper, maybe even promising to cover a few bills or split the rent, along with a few car payments and shopping splurges. Doesn’t sound too bad right? Especially if you know he isn’t marrying you and frankly you don’t really want to marry him either. You know you can’t trust him worth a damn, but you’ve spent so much time making him better that Beyonce’s, “Ring the Alarm” plays in your head every time you think you’ve had enough and want to kick him to the curb.

All I’m saying is, “I get it”. I understand what it feels like to be in love with the concept of someone more than you are with their actual existence. When you’re holding on to who he was in the beginning and not who he is now. I know all too well what time, finances, cohabitation and having kids does to pull at your heartstrings when you know you should move on but can’t seem to break it off. I even understand that he has family issues, career issues and trust issues and you don’t want to be one more person abandoning him so you decide to be his “ride or die” — but at what cost?

On the other hand, don’t over-think the “Love Contract” and try to make it seem like it isn’t all that bad. It is exactly what it sounds like, a cop-out; misogyny at its finest, another excuse created to justify why a full commitment to you in a way that is acceptable in the eyes of God shouldn’t be an option. It’s a ploy, designed to allow a man to continue to be as selfish, disloyal, disrespectful and undeserving of your feelings as he was the year before. Instead of agreeing to “Love Contracts” women need to start serving emotional eviction notices. We need to stop allowing men to take up space in our hearts, holding us hostage to our emotions and leave them where they stand. Stop accepting and making excuses for their behavior because there is no reward for that, just a lot of time wasted on the wrong man and a life filled with regret. The man who is meant for you will call love by its name, he doesn’t want a contract he wants marriage and he won’t waste any time making you his wife.