Ballerific Relationships: Good Men Do Exist

Before we start, let’s define what a good man is. In its simplest form, a good man is a man who is loyal, honest, supportive, and protective with a true intent to love his woman. He is not a perfect man. Just a man who means well and does well by his relationship. The following may trigger some women. That’s not my intention. I’m only trying to spark a thought in the women who need this message. This article isn’t intended to victimize men either. Real men don’t want your pity.

Every time I’ve said the phrase “good men” in one of my videos I get tons of comments from women saying they no longer exist. I really do empathize with women who say that. I understand it’s not their experience, but I emphatically disagree. I’m not a dog. None of my friends mistreat their women. I’ve known countless men who wanted something special with a woman they can trust. I’ve known countless one-woman men. Many of those men have found love but just as many of them were hurt or misused by women. I’ve felt great pain and I’ve witnessed great pain at the hands of women. Yet and still, adopting the belief that all women are trash would be foolish.

I’ve spoken to thousands of women as a dating coach. To date, I haven’t met many women who believed that good men don’t exist who also prioritized goodness in the men they chose. Their histories are littered with weak men they chased down. The things that qualify suitable men for many of them aren’t good man qualities. Their prerequisites are often just a bunch of attractive traits having nothing to do with a man’s character. They treat goodness as a bonus or an afterthought. Many chase men they are highly attracted to in hopes that one day those men are eventually good to them. They repeatedly expose themselves to trauma, trying to convince men who have no love to give that they are worthy of it. This is like begging a homeless person for money. They cannot give what they do not have.

What some women need long term and what excites them in the short term are often two different things. The list of their short-term priorities typically goes in this order; attraction, spark, emotional unavailability, entertainment value, and finances. Those are the things some women respond best to. Whether or not they wish to admit it. Character, integrity, responsibility, generosity, communication, wisdom, honor, honesty, and many other qualities aren’t must-haves for a lot of women. This leads to them dating lots of weak ass men and growing tired over time. Too many women respond to whoever gives them butterflies and anxiety. Many run right past good men to get in line to be some dead beat daddy’s third baby’s mother. If the scarcity that some women believe in is true, then good decision making seems to be as rare as good men.

Good men are so tired of hearing about how we don’t exist. Especially when damn near all of us have been overlooked for lesser men at some point. While I was dating there were times I’ve been bigger, wiser, stronger, tougher funnier, more handsome, more mature, more loyal, more masculine, with a better personality, more money, and a bigger johnson. But none of those things mattered because she liked “bad boys”. 4 kids and 3 “bad boys” later, she’s in a comment section somewhere saying good men don’t exist.

I’m no victim. Overall, I’ve done pretty well with women. However, before I learned to hide my goodness I suffered my fair share of disappointments. Every one of those was because I was “nice”. My experience isn’t unique. Every good man I know has a similar story. Y’all don’t hear about it because it’s not socially acceptable for men to whine and bitch in public about how poor they have it. They look weak expressing grief and pain resulting from failed attempts at love. Contrarily, comment sections are full of women giving full tearful disclosures about how they’ve been hurt. Just because it’s not socially acceptable for men to express that level of sorrow doesn’t mean it’s not happening. As quiet as it’s kept, what seems to be rarer than good men, is good women who are spiritually in tune enough to be magnetized to and attracted one. Many would ask, where are those women? A wise man knows they’re around somewhere.

Too many women determine that they “like” a guy before they determine if he’s “good.”

If an application was ever required to date some women, goodness or character would be optional. Fill it out or not fill it out. They don’t give a damn. That part of the application would say, “preferred but not required.”

As with any job, when you lower the barriers to entry, you build in your application process accommodations for deficiency.

Just because you haven’t been attracted to any good men doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Just because good character doesn’t get you as horny as street credibility or emotional unavailability, doesn’t mean good men aren’t out there. Just because some good men aren’t your type, doesn’t mean they aren’t around. If good women are everywhere, then so are good men…Right next to the shitty ones. I say this in love, but maybe some of you should stop picking the shitty ones and friend-zoning the good ones. While you’re at, it cut out the nonsense that every good man is unattractive or bad at sex. The devil is a lie! But I suppose that’s a debate for another day.

Heartbreak and disappointment cause men to protect themselves from love sometimes. Most masculine men take pride in feeling strong, powerful, and mighty. On the contrary, we don’t feel strong when our chest is aching, our eyes are watery, and our heart is broken. It’s easier to feel a sense of control again if you create an enemy out of women. For most men, it’s easier to be angry than to be vulnerable. It’s easier to avoid love. In the same way, out of a need to protect themselves, some scorned women make an enemy of men. Anger, while it restores a sense of safety and control, causes us to commit to our misunderstandings. Women become “bitches” to protect a man’s fragile ego. Men become “low down dirty dogs” to protect a woman’s fragile heart. Both just want safe loyal love. Sexism and self-pity don’t bring peace to anyone. Mislabeling the entire sex is asinine. Some of us need to learn how to appropriately process disappointment. We can’t forget that we are the common denominator in all our relationships.