Alyssa Milano opened up about the complicated feelings she had after experiencing a miscarriage.
The Sorry Not Sorry author, 48, spoke about suffering a miscarriage and feeling as if it was punishment for past abortions, PEOPLE reported.
Milano says on PEOPLE’s new podcast Me Becoming Mom, “I definitely had this moment of, ‘Well, I’m being punished, basically, for abortions in my 20s.’ I didn’t realize that at the time. It took a while in therapy to realize that that was something that I was putting on myself.”
She says those feelings also affected her role as a mother. She shares son Milo Thomas, 10, and daughter Elizabella Dylan, 7, with husband David Bugliari.
“The way I interacted or was with my children — and I think this is common — but I always felt like, ‘What if something happens to these two little beings that I love so much? And is there a world in which they’re taken away from me for whatever karmic resolution needed to happen?'” says Milano.
Milan had miscarriages before giving birth to her children.
“It was a bummer, but it felt like I got the two pregnancies I was supposed to get. And that’s how I kind of looked at it the entire time,” she says. “I know that a lot of women take miscarriages very hard, but for me, it was part of the process, I guess. Both miscarriages were, I think I was maybe 7 or 8 weeks pregnant, so if it wasn’t viable, my body did what it was supposed to do. I still look at it like that.”
In 2019, the actress shared her personal experience with abortion on an episode of her podcast, Alyssa Milano: Sorry Not Sorry. She said it happened twice in 1993 when she was in her early 20s.
“I knew at that time, I was not equipped to be a mother, and so I chose to have an abortion. I chose. It was my choice. And it was absolutely the right choice for me,” Milano explained at the time, adding, “It was not an easy choice. It was not something I wanted, but it was something that I needed, like most health care is.”
“It was devastating,” Milano added. “I was raised Catholic and was suddenly put in conflict with my faith. A faith I was coming to realize empowered only men to make every single decision about what was allowed and what was not allowed.”
Milan doesn’t regret her decision, saying, “I would not have my children — my beautiful, perfect, loving, kind and inquisitive children who have a mother who was so very, very ready for them. I would not have my career. I would not have the ability or platform I use to fight against oppression with all my heart. I would never have met my amazing husband David, whose steadfast and immeasurable love for me sustains me through these terrifying times.”
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