“That’s the last thing I ever share with my man about my past. I slipped up and told him that I’ve slept with women before and now he thinks I’m doing all of my female friends and acting funny.”- Some woman on Facebook. Upon reading that, my mind instantly went to thoughts of how she would have reacted if he was the one who revealed that he has slept with men prior to their relationship and how it would be a huge deal yet she wanted him to blow off her same sex scores. That’s another topic for another time. Anyway, that thought was followed up with me wondering just how much people are willing to reveal about themselves when they meet someone new so I took my talents to twitter. I asked “When you meet someone new/start dating or whatever it is you do, do you discuss past relationships? Do you say “Yea, I dated this one guy for five years and I left him” or do you give a detailed history?”
I was shocked to see that most of the answers were a flat out nope. The ones who do discuss their past claimed to do so briefly in regards to relationship timelines and leaving out other specifics. This threw me for a loop because learning about someone’s past relationships has always been a step in the getting to know you process for me. If you really listen, you learn what is important to them in relationships, where they lack, what they expect from you, their triggers and how their experiences have shaped them thus far. Often, it is in what they don’t say while they are talking which is why you have to listen carefully. It’s like reading between the lines but more like…. listening between the words. Trust me, it makes a lot more sense in practice than it does in theory.
If you’re into corny romance comedies like I am then you have probably watched ‘Ghosts of Girlfriends Past’ starring Matthew McConaughbae who plays Conner Mead, the womanizing play boy who the ladies can’t seem to get enough of. Connor can get any woman he wants and he usually does. That is, except for the woman he truly wants of course. He is visited by past girlfriends every night in the style of the classic holiday film ‘A Christmas Carol’. With each visit giving a small glimpse of the things that molded Connor into who he is, we learn how and why he treated women the way he did. Since your life is not scripted and there isn’t a movie crew following you or your boo… and no ghosts showing up in the middle of the night to reveal things to you, it probably is worth discussing. Keep in mind, when I refer to past I mean things that occurred BEFORE the two of you began dating. This is not a post about cheating, side chicks or what Ray Ray did behind your back. Not today, not right now, not on this post. Maybe later.
I’m curious to know what you ladies think about this. When you are dating someone new or establishing a relationship, do you hold back certain information? How much are you willing to reveal about prior relationships? Do you avoid being open about your past out of fear of coming off as unappealing in one way or another? What information do you expect them to divulge in regards to their past relationships? Does it even matter?
