Baby on the Way, But the Dad Isn’t On Board: What Now?

Get out your popcorn because the comments on this will be good. Cutting to the chase, should a woman keep a baby a man doesn’t want?

Of course, the answer depends on the situation. Research says about 45% of all pregnancies in America are unplanned. Accidents happen, so what are two to do? What about when it comes to two people being irresponsible? Does that sway your answer? Is it acceptable for a man not to face the consequences of his irresponsibility? Of course, it’s easy for a man to tell a woman to terminate a pregnancy since he isn’t the one who will bear the physical and mental aftermath of doing so.

Let us go ahead and say it: a man can’t tell a woman what to do with her body. But in general, what happens when a man says he doesn’t want to be a father to the child? If a woman’s intentions are good–her heart tells her to keep the baby and she’s fully prepared to take care of the child without the father’s support, then it’s her prerogative. People forget that having a baby is two-sided; it’s not all about the man. A woman’s fertility is finite, and she may be against abortions, which could be the reason she decides to keep a baby a man doesn’t want.

Unfortunately, many women find themselves in these situations, leaving them feeling even more emotional and doubtful about how to proceed. Here are a few things to consider:

Take time: This is a life-changing decision, so it can be very overwhelming, but it’s not the time to panic. Take time to reflect, weigh out the pros and cons, think about the future, and possibly talk it over with close family and friends. Still, make the decision that you want in the end.

Consider the father’s stance: Men are more goal-and solution-oriented so lifestyle status plays a role in their thinking.  He may have valid reasons, like financial problems or lack of support. It’s also possible he doesn’t see a future with the woman or envision her as the mother of his child. Understanding his perspective is crucial, as he is still involved (even if unwillingly) in the situation. Give him time to work through the shock, and then hear him out.

Preparedness: Motherhood is not easy, even with help. Until you have a baby, you don’t know how it will be or how you will be as a parent. You can never be fully ready for parenthood, but timing is everything. If you plan to raise the child alone, consider finances, childcare, support networks, your health, and even a worst-case scenario: who would care for the baby in an emergency?

Living With Your Choices: Finally, consider the potential regret associated with either option. Judgment, whether from yourself or others, is a possibility no matter what you decide. An abortion is irreversible, but so is becoming a mother.

Support: The saying is true. It takes a village, and even with a village, it’s “mama’s baby, daddy’s maybe.” A woman, especially a single mother, will have many challenges regarding her child(ren) and need to rely on others because she can’t do it all. There will be times she is overworked, exhausted, and defeated, so it helps to have people who can step in and help out.

Parenthood is challenging, but babies are innocent and bring joy. Ultimately, the decision is personal. Every woman has her reasons, and hopefully, those reasons are genuine and what’s best for her unique situation.