Confessions of a Side Chick Part Two

I knew that by confessing my dirty little secret I would open Pandora’s Box and opinions and judgments would come filing out. Those who think they know me will work tirelessly at putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Your efforts are worthless and your opinions are obsolete, we all have a story and nobody is perfect. Don’t judge me for my indiscretions simply because you sin differently. I am not proud nor am I ashamed, the truth is I will have to answer for my choices and withstand the punishment on my day of judgment.

From Confessions of a Side Chick Part One: “If there were ever commandments for side chicks or a guidebook I wish I would’ve read it. It wasn’t until nearly three years into the situation that I realized I was in too deep, I was pregnant.”

I wish I would have known what I know now, where were the side chick commandments back then?  Here I was knocked up by a married man, at this point all the gifts, trips and money meant nothing.  I had to be honest with myself, we were never in a relationship, it was all fun and games, surely a baby was not part of the plan. Even before finding out about “her” I never had any expectations of it being anything more than good sex, great gifts and free trips. My options were few, as a matter of fact I only had three with only two of which being logical, abortion (which really wasn’t an option at all), I could call his wife and tell her everything or I could prepare myself to be a single mother. There was no reason for me to call his wife, it wasn’t her fault she was married to a man who had a need for variety. It wasn’t her fault that I didn’t end it the moment I found out about her, it wasn’t her fault that I had been reckless.  I wasn’t sure what his reaction to the news would be but nothing could have prepared me for the way he played it.  I was barely able to get my sentence out good before he was offering me five hundred big ones to and I quote “Make it go away”. (Yes, he said that to me) Even still till this day I’m not really sure why those words hurt me to the extent that they did. I mean I didn’t care about this man, he was just something to do, he was just a man and men are disposable. Right? At least that’s what I told myself , but no amount of internal reasoning could convince me of what I knew was the truth, I was in love with this man. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t deny what was real, call me foolish but we can’t help who we love. However there was no need to even reason with him or myself, I couldn’t under any circumstance have this baby.  I knew morally that everything about this situation was wrong, so why I felt such a heavy burden in tossing around the idea of abortion I have no clue, I guess it was the guilt of knowing that one moment of passion created a life that did not ask to be created and we were selfish enough to end it before it even began.
My appointment came and went and  he wasn’t there (Did you think he would be?) if my memory serves me correctly he may have sent a text. What I felt that day was something that I will never forget, it was one of the worst days of my life. I vowed to never put myself in a situation such as that again. We didn’t speak for a while after that, I hated him for his deceit when he should’ve been honest from the start. That didn’t last long, sooner than later I was right back in uncompromising sexual positions in undisclosed locations. I thought about ending it many times after that, but something kept me there, no matter what I did or who I was with he had a hold on me. I was bound to him, even while maintaining my own relationships I still found solace in him. I was a side chick before being a side chick was popular, back then there was no Olivia Pope to glorify and glamorize scandals and secret affairs.  There was nothing glorifiable about being this man’s secret, and the only thing glamorous was the lavish lifestyle I was “hushed” with.  I used to wonder what I would do if I was ever confronted by his wife, would I lie? Would I tell her the truth?  I replayed scenarios in my mind on what I’d do if she ever tried to Shirley Brown me, but that never happened.  To be honest I never cared about her finding out or how it would make her feel, my loyalty wasn’t to her, it was to him.

It has been a little over five years since I entered into an unwritten side chick contract with a married NFL first round draft pick and I’m sure you all want to know how the story ends. Well, when it does I’ll be sure to let you know.

“It’s all good when you THINK you are reading a fictional story by Kwame or Eric Jerome Dickey. But the moment someone shows you how REAL it can be, the judgment starts”