Dating With Kids, Is It Worth It?

This is a two part blog that poses two questions and two scenarios. The first being, would you ever date a man with a child? In this day and age it’s quite difficult to find a man who doesn’t have children and it seems like it’s even harder to find one that is actually a great and responsible father. What I have noticed however, is that some women tend to shy away from men with children, especially those with older children. A friend of mine told mine told me of a situation he was having.  He’s a bit older than I, and had a pre-teen daughter from a previous marriage. He’s a good guy, and had been dating his new girlfriend for a few months. The problem is that his girlfriend and daughter clashed TERRIBLY. It was like they were in a battle for Alpha Female in one man’s heart. It was so bad that he had to distance them. It never got physical, or even overly disrespectful, but the tension between the two was thick and noticeable. Sadly, this is a woman he wanted to marry someday but how would she ever want to marry him knowing that the rest of her life she’d have to battle his 12 year old daughter? Needless to say, he’s got a tough decision to make. I don’t know his girlfriend well but if you were in her situation, what would you do? Would it be better to walk away? What do you suggest HE does to fix the situation so that he can move on?

Now, the second part of this blog deals with the flip side. This is a side I’m a bit more familiar with. How do you date when you are a parent? What are some of your golden rules? I have a young son and I have been “single” for a little while. Dating is always something I’m especially cautious with because I know that children can become attached and not every man you bring into your life is a great candidate for “Daddy”. On the other hand, human beings are creatures who need companionship, so it’s not that we can stop looking for love just because our baby daddy didn’t work out. How do you continue to date without getting your child’s hopes up?

I have a personal rule, I never ever bring men around my child. Even men I’m not dating. Even friends and acquaintances. If I am dating someone, we will have to get very serious before he is introduced to my son and even then, he is not introduced as my boyfriend until well after that. Also, any man I’m with will have to like, no LOVE, children. He doesn’t have to fill the void of my son’s father, but he will have to know my son isn’t going anywhere either. In fact, I actually don’t like when men come on TOO strong to my child. It feels fake to me. It feels like you are only trying to get in good with him to get in with me. Honestly, I see through all of that and this is one of the reasons that I try to keep both lives as separate as I can. Some may not agree with this tactic but I feel that it keeps all parties from getting hurt in the long run. It’s a lot better (in my opinion) than those women who bring a different “Uncle” home every week. 

Would I date a man who has kids? Absolutely, but only if he takes care of them. I can’t see myself ever dating a man who denies his children or doesn’t see his children often (if it’s within his control). I feel that if he would do that to his kids he would do it to ours.  I actually love seeing fathers who dote over their children. The love a father has for his child is incredible, because it’s not like a mother’s. A mother’s love comes from the bond in the womb. A father’s love comes from so much more. It comes from the moment he first locks eyes with his newborn, it comes from plans of a future. It’s something that grows within him and I love to see it. I’d date a date any day.