Ballerific Relationships: Who’s To Blame For Your Man Cheating? Could It Be YOU?

They say any attempt to try and change a man will be futile; but are you unknowingly trying to change your man from the polygamist or polyamorist he naturally is? You call it cheating, disloyalty, betrayal… but is he wrong for being himself or are you wrong for denying the truth and choosing not to come to terms with it? Allow me to play devil’s advocate for a moment.

Spiritual, emotional & personal growth are all a matter of being extremely honest and transparent with yourself. There are parts of us that are so broken. It’s almost impossible to picture ourselves as whole, and many of those broken pieces stem from past relationships that left you feeling bitter and unlovable. For many of us, those past relationships became a lifestyle pattern and despite our selective criteria and honoring our ‘30 day rule’, we still end up with a no good man that doesn’t treat us with the respect and love that we deserve.

So what if it’s not the men, what if it’s you? I may not get many likes for this post and that’s okay. The truth shall set you free but it WILL piss you off first.

So what if it is you? What if you aren’t being as honest with yourself as you should be? What does polygamy or polyamory even have to do with being honest with your inner being?

Polygamy, or polyamory for the purpose of this post, is the habit of mating with more than one individual, either simultaneously or successively. It is also the practice or condition of having more than one spouse at one time. I’d like to focus on the former; the habit of having sex with multiple partners.

Now, not ALL men are cheaters (or as I prefer, polyamorists). However, many are. And for those that are, I think it’s time for us women to embrace polyamory as an official identity trait instead of taking it as a personal betrayal. It would free us up to make more empowering decisions. Either accept who he is and stay without trying to ‘change’ him, or leave & find a man that undoubtedly shares the same monogamous beliefs as you. However, staying, denying and attempting to change your ‘ladies man’ into a ‘one woman man’ is only going to hurt you further and perpetuate the damaging self esteem that will further delay your own personal growth.

Believe it or not, your denial is also hurting the man you claim to love so much. Because it is not socially acceptable, most men will not outright admit to being a polyamorist, and some may not even realize they are such. They continue to shrink themselves to be a less full and less authentic version of who they are by attempting to be a one woman man and wonder why they can never follow through without slipping up. Ladies, its not fair to you, and its not fair to him. Let him be who he is, and go find someone who shares the same monogamous beliefs you hold. His identity is not something you should take as a personal betrayal. You cannot out-love, out-sex, out-cook or out-clean a man out of who he is.

So free him up to be his authentic self, and free yourself up to do the same. But to deny the innate human nature and curiosity that many of us carry, is to say that we don’t have the right to fully experience our own selves. Free him, then free yourself!

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