Warning: The Emotionally Unavailable – blogged by: @proudlylauren

So there was this really nice guy, educated, no kids, and had the jawline of a Greek god. We met through a mutual friend, and began talking, hitting it off pretty early on. Regardless of the early connection, I still had this mental check list in my head, observing everything about this man, down to his fingernails. Surprisingly, though, he was excelling at everything on the checklist, and I can’t lie, started to make me think about the possibilities of it going further than just friends. However every time I would allow myself to get close, I’d automatically shy away.  If a kiss was too passionate, I would pull away, if a conversation got too deep, I would crack a joke. Almost like getting really close to a fire, and then pulling away when the heat becomes too much.

Have you ever dealt with someone like that? You like each other, but no matter what, they just wont open up to you? If you have, then you understand the strange feeling of uncertainty, and fear, that comes with dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable. That’s right, there’s a diagnosis for people like me. If the person you are dealing with refuses to let you in, cringes at the thought of being vulnerable, and seems to have an indestructible wall, then they are unavailable. Sometimes its hard to catch, especially outside of subtle hints like not wanting to kiss passionately, but is important to know. Especially since people who are emotionally unavailable, may not be able to reciprocate the same emotions and feelings you have; which could end badly, and leave someone hurt in the end.

Here are just a few ways to tell if the person you are dealing with is emotionally unavailable:

They avoid answering questions that are too deep

They don’t mind answering questions like “Are your parents together?” but not questions like “How do you think the divorce affects your relationships?”. Anything that gives too much information about how their parents divorce has given them bad trust and separation issues, is off guard. Anything that will reveal a layer of themselves that they have heavily guarded, wont be allowed, and you’ll meet resistance every time.

They are inconsistent

One day they really like you, won’t stop checking on you, the next they seem distant, and you can’t get ahold of him. As soon as they feel too close, they’ll pull back, and you’ll be extremely thrown off.

They avoid asking questions that are too deep

You try to get to know them, asking deep questions about everything from dreams too fears; but you notice they don’t do the same. They don’t want to know about your parents, and they don’t care how it has affected you. It’s not personal, but they don’t want you to open up to them, and expect the same in return.

They are dealing with multiple people, or one specific person from the past

Just because you aren’t in a committed relationship doesn’t mean it’s normal to talk to a million different people. If they seek attention from a bunch of people, and have a hard time building valuable friendships, they’re avoiding getting to close by switching up people. Alternatively, if they are still talking to their ex still consistently, then they are definitely not available; they’re just using you to waste time.

Dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable isn’t a bad thing, depending on what you are looking for: relationship, cuddy buddy etc. Regardless, it’s important to know, so you’re aware of what you could be signing up for. If you see any of the above signs, don’t panic, instead ask them what, if there is, anything you can do to help ease their discomfort. Anything you can do to help guide them out of the dark. The answer may be no, but if you feel it’s worth a shot, then shoot it.