10 Reasons Why Your D*ck Is Trash

If you let men tell it, all of them
have magical golden penises that give out orgasms like free lunch. Every dude is well endowed and knows what they’re doing, and if they’re allowed to gas you, they all will tell you how nasty they are and how their skully (oral sex ) game is beasty. Somehow, women buy that wolf and soon realize the d*ck is wack AF. By that time, it’s too late and an L has been bestowed upon her.

Word to the wise: dudes with a village of kids usually have good d*ck. Not to mention, if he doesn’t say anything about his performance outside of “I know me and I’m good at what I do,” you about to get the most phenomenal d*ck of your life. Don’t question me. Just accept the facts, lol.

Anyhoo, here are the top reasons the d*ck is wack AF.

1. She is allergic to shellfish. That little shrimp is only tickling her labia. If she doesn’t gasp when you put it in-It’s wack.

2. And if you have length, you’re missing girth. Women don’t want to bust a vein trying to grip your pencil d*ck.

3. You make too much noise. Yeah, she knows you are swimming in ecstasy, but right now she’s drowning in your theatrics. It’s bad enough your d*ck is small, but the noise is stopping her from concentrating on gripping your vienna and climaxing. The sh*t is hard work.

4. Eating is not literal. Your pregame is horrid. You’re either eating vagina like a cat licking milk or you about to give her a total hysterectomy. There are nerves down there sir.

5. Mentioning nerves. Stop trying to beat her walls down or rupture her cervix. She needs all components. That hurts like hell.

6. And if you’re a decent size, you are Thumper the Quick Pumper. She just slid on your manhood and it’s over already. I’m pretty sure paint drying would be more gratifying.

7. And let’s not get into how boring you are in bed. It’s the same two positions, same dusty a** dirty talk about who the vagina belongs to (hers technically, she just leasing it to you). Can you pull her hair or choke her? Can she christen your kitchen? Can ya’ll act like adults screwing and not middle schoolers.

8. Your stroke game is weak. Ain’t sh*t worse than a dude with a package and don’t know how to use it. Pin her ass down and work out your hips. Screw her like your life depends on it. Consistency is the key.

9. The d*ck is attached to a broke dude. Ain’t sh*t exciting about struggling. She said her faucet can’t run if her faucet at the house isn’t turned on.

10. The penis also becomes wack once she finds out it’s for everybody. When she finds out you do the same trick on every chick, it’s less appealing.

You are like PG-13 and she thought you were triple X -rated. So what if you eat vagina? She was hoping you tossed salads too or didn’t mind the hand cuffs. I guess it was a no go for penis rings and the vibrator ?

It’s not rocket science. Get your sex game up.